Break It Down

Fractal Thinking

2011-01-17T07:44:00.000-08:00

I am so excited, I finally have worked out a theory for thinking and evolution based on fractals. It is the natural evolution process explained in it's complexity with an ever present, geometric, free flowing, self-creating, self-perpetuating, thought. This will be huge, this is the day I thought of it, and wanted to write it down. I woke up at 5am with it right there in my head, seeming so natural and obvious. I love thinking so much, but the feelings they generate are the real treasure.

Respond-ability

2011-01-17T07:27:00.000-08:00

An example of we do have the ability to act, even when we think we don't/can't

Dulce,

What I want to say is, I am extremely dissatisfied with your use of this new 14oz carton. I have tried and tried (daily) to get used to less, and I just cant get by it. I have eaten one of these pints a day for about 13 years, the last five years I cut back to 8oz serving, due to a slight weight issue. By your new standards you have cut me back to 6 oz servings. It never works out in the new carton, (if I were to shrink my portion to your new size container) I eat too much on the first 1/2 of the carton (cannot stop at half), and it's too little a quantity for the second day. So i have anxiety on the first day and even more on the second day. Not even getting to the bottom of the carton is fun anymore. An ice-cream of decadence speaks much more of decadence with MORE. Ice cream in it's rare and expensive form does not fit the character of a good ice cream. It is MILK, (something some of us LOVE, we possibly are dealing with mother issues, I'm just sayin) it should be supremely satisfying and NEVER be enough. But cutting one back makes this an odd situation. But you are, "Haagen-Daz", you are more than the other guys. We crave you because we know you're the best. Not because we think we have a choice.
I like that, that's what you used to do for me, please quite messing with my Mojo!
Charge more if you have to, but don't shrink the carton.
After all this, Remember, I am enlightened and I do have a choice. "-)
Warmly,
Rick Paris

I feel, therefore I am

2011-01-10T01:01:00.000-08:00

Such a "more real" statement, than it's predecessor, "I think, therefore I am". Chauvinism again, "let's put the spirit and the masculine ahead of all things", thought over feeling. Hierarchies really don't work for anyone, even the one on the pedestal, it just looks like it from the stands. Here is one of the biggest mistakes in consensus reality. Really a problem.

When I think the direction of life will come from positive thoughts or just thinking better thoughts, I can see it is highly unlikely to happen. Unless the issue really doesn't mean much to me, then it's easier to create, it's not scary because of intimacy. (also why it is easier to create the dreams of another). Creating mediocrity is way easier than my dreams.
When I generate thoughts "over" the true feelings, they become empty and I create realities where they hurt my spirit, I can feel I have no support for them. I am essentially creating pain, by act of separation, (the definition of pain being a synergy between "separation from", and "longing for") If i am "faking it", it ends up creating stale painful experiences. "They don't work out" My feelings must be honest, brutally so, to generate reality in accordance (heart) with my will (thought). I mean it is working, perfectly, even when it is sucking.

It is creating the thoughts underneath, the fears or the feelings of non-deserving, the crap underneath, that's what is creating the reality. The reality is "filled in" with the substance (matter) of feeling, after the thoughts. (spirit searches for soul, soul waits for spirit) The true eternal dance. If I feel badly and I try to think over the feelings with better, faster thoughts and the reality still looks badly, it is because I didn't slow down the thoughts long enough to generate new honest feelings of goodness. I can feel I am out of internal integrity.

There's also another reason, I am not reading life properly, it is when shame is in the way. If shame is in the way, I cannot see i have feelings of being damaged, While" in shame" i am hiding these feelings so intensely painful, they run my reality. They have been running so long, I don't hear the pattern (consistent thought combined with feelings) anymore. So even when I am feeling good and programming, I can create a crappy reality because the feelings, thoughts of damage run under my awareness. The reason I know those feelings are there is because in spite of all my abilities and knowings, my current ability to focus, my depth of commitment and my enlightened awareness I have a reality that actually still didn't work. (it did, just not as I planned) The resonance from the pain is greater than my new thoughts and feelings, they are competing for space. Intensity wins. Emotions actually create reality. (not without thoughts to direct those feelings) Why do i seem to create so many of my fears? Because I am blocking myself from feeling fear because i don't like it. So it builds underneath in intensity and competes for time and space while it continues to grow, and it creates reality instead of my conscious thoughts and feelings. Seems so easy right now. damn.

My Passion

2011-01-10T00:52:00.000-08:00

My Passion, my Art and my Hobby is Conscious Reality Creation.

I really just got this.

Just wait until I am a master at this, I have mastered so much else, it is inevitable.

Permission again, only much deeper, and much more vulnerably.

2011-01-10T00:39:00.000-08:00

I am writing just what I want from now on, to really write for me, I don't care anymore if anyone gets me, what a waste of energy that has been, such a distraction internally. I think i want to see how I think on paper. Sort of speaking.
i think these might look really different, we'll see.
I was just thinking this.

If you were really just "calling to hear their voice", wouldn't the answering machine be just fine?
Maybe the message you leave might sound like, " I was calling to hear your voice and this was perfect, thank you, I was missing you, bye!".

There is so much honesty in it.

Senses

2011-01-09T18:25:00.000-08:00

We want to be whole again, we search for the Light, the Warmth, the Substance, the Movement, The Voice. The senses are nothing more than different ways to measure these subtleties of energy. In the vast amount available they are in fact extremely limited. They are different ways to explore what we all inherently know is there. The desire we have to feel is the motivation for sense creation. So limited are these senses and still we fear so much with them. With all their inherent limitations and we still feel we are too sensitive, we think we feel so much. The world is screaming at us, we aren't feeling enough. We are thinking in a lower complexity, this is our current round of resistance as humans. Our feelings are attempting to lift our thinking to a higher complexity, evolution is coming from the feeling part of ourselves. I feel, therefore i am.

Attention to detail

2011-01-09T18:20:00.000-08:00

I want to polish something so well, it takes off on it's own.
(I just couldn't resist the picture)

Letting go of the Past, emotionally.

2011-01-09T16:59:00.000-08:00

After several waves of grief, I am close to the bottom of a very long and drawn out process.(honestly years) I wish I could have done it with a bit more panache, but hey, you know me. Letting go of my past was a somewhat arduous process. I started understanding it, rationally, even meditatively, spiritually, conceptually, but emotionally, I would have to say now, "not" I thought so, but not really. How do I know I am doing it, really, the world is saying so.

I will get better and better at explaining things, remembering nuances of thinking in order to write about them later. Writing is slowly becoming a part of my thinking, even though I still resist it a lot. A whole different type of people are moving into my life.

This week was monumental in seeing so many changes, I just wanted to be "outside" looking for the change in the metaphors of my life, something I mostly do now. Seeing life through metaphor makes everything so much more magical and so much more meaning can be found without even having to "look", it exists in the act of doing it. As some of you know, I moved to Italy to try something new, in it's utter (seemingly) failure, I learned many of the pieces I needed to supersede myself in a way i have only longed for. Upon my return, laying all the pieces of my experience out on the table like a great puzzle. Totally changing perspectives is a powerful coaching tool, but I really changed my perspective, I moved. To another country. It was fabulous and heartbreaking, but, man what an intense ride of change.

When you really let go of your past, life changes. That's really how you know you have done it, t's not the peace it brings to your mind, not thinking about it so much, it's not the interesting concept of it that excites the mind with possibilities of a pain-free experience, not even the feeling of independence it brings logically figuring it out and making adjustments daily. It is waking up and everything is different.

The key was in the pain i felt of all the years of trying to fit in with my family. Starting with my mother dis-owning me three days before I left for Italy. All the processing, all the work, all the pain of feeling always separate from them was the energy In-formation. I wasn't reading it right, because I always thought I was the one bad and wrong. Of course all "the work" helped to be strong enough for that moment of her ultimate denial of me. It was not in being rejected, it was in the realization that it was always there and she just freed me. i finally felt her rejection, and accepted it. She, "in her always" perfect integrity, released a barrage of pain in such a way, it was a surreal experience of seeing her for the first time clearly. I was protected in a sense from all the processing, to see her and the relationship for what it always was, just a missed connection. My parents are fair and nice people, just not my people. "Looking for love in all the wrong places".

There has been the sense of not recognizing my world, but that sense is not fearful. I am recognizing love coming to me like never before, vast waves that take my breath away, cause me to shake with ecstasy, and feel fine crying like a baby as I am just sitting in a cafe, and creating (by choice) no one even looks. I can do it freely and in peace.

I have met more amazing, free people, aligned with my greater (Self) intentions in one week than I have in the last 4 years. I am being asked to share, even from interested strangers. I feel I am walking with the elements, life is moving and allowing me to shine, with an elegance and a fundamental joy, feeling the resonance I am experiencing in myself, as a higher frequency. NOT by my interpretations of my inner world, or negative -ego, but by the action in the outer world. It is what I always knew I could do here. It's like magic, and I see how to do it and I want more baby. Dominion. So amazingly refreshing to feel it more than a concept, but to see it is so. Where you are headed is far more important than where you have been. Beauty is as beauty does.

Easy

2011-01-08T03:39:00.000-08:00

I'm easy to be with because I don't care if your here or not.

Relationships

2011-01-08T03:15:00.000-08:00

i am not interested in balance per se,
Relationships are like Teeter Toters,
the point is not to balance one another, it is to lift the other.

Vacation

2011-01-08T03:11:00.000-08:00

I am finally understanding
a journey is a way to a place it isn't the trip.

Art

2011-01-08T03:02:00.000-08:00

To inspire as many people as I can, I think I want my art to be beautiful and simple.
I want my art to sell for a lot AND i want people to look at it and say,"I could have done that".

Relationships

2011-01-08T02:47:00.000-08:00

I find it very hard to stay close to someone, especially an EX, after you know you have done some of your best growing/loving and saw some of the worst parts of yourself.

Women and Compassion

2011-01-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

As each day unfolds and I find myself becoming more sensitive to life on a daily basis, I see so much beauty in the feminine, as I embrace it daily. Not that I haven't seen it, or embraced it, something deeper is happening, as I slow W-A-Y down. Women, so much embodying that reflection. So much nurturing, so much compassion, so much power, a great power without the force you usually see with movement. I can feel so much power, a grounded, stable, soulful power, one that is subtle. Like a wave that builds with a silent exponential consistency. A force so compelling in a way, I find myself wanting to reach out and hug a woman every time I see her beautiful strength, a strength so apparent to me now, deeply nestled in her vulnerability.

I see a great separation happening between humanity, one where chauvinism is attempting to distort this beauty in a "power-over". Some women are perpetrating this, (many times much more overtly than men have or had done in recent history) using this time to push the masculine down, to judge it negatively in many ways. Most of the men in front of them in their moments of aggression are not even to blame or even part of anything remotely having to do with their rage. Not that they shouldn't be out-raged. Centuries of diminishing them can do that, but it isn't us. The rage they feel for being diminished for being women for so long, playing with a shortened hand from day one.

I also see the capacity for forgiveness in their eyes. in their actions. It is causing me to take a deep look at my own strengths. I am getting it on a cellular level that vulnerability truly is the greatest expression of strength. Receiving can be truly the greatest strength. I have it and I will use it. I can see the feminine never wanted to do anything alone, she is about connectedness, Oneness. She is always with me/us, she only looks like she steps back, actually i/we pushed away, she knew I/we would come home.

I see where a lot of pain/anger comes up when a woman judges me (or any man) for just being a man, like I, by my gender is some kind of grand perpetrator. Staying open, humble, vulnerable, understanding. Man! I see how difficult this must have been. I feel so powerless at times, feeling actually Angry for being a man, now. Something I will have to process for sure, I feel what has been done, seeing my own (mostly unconscious) contribution to this way of perception, it is here, it is overtly here. I must have been thinking and feeling these things all along. To really get that now. The reality so heavy with chauvinism. Recognition is a first step to changing, acknowledgment is second, third is forgiveness. I am forgiving myself of the denial of the feminine, for my anger at not having a good mother, my anger of feeling separated, thinking she is weak, feeling abandoned, unprotected, diminished and discarded. I truly am sorry. The weight of this, the wall of energy resisting you, denying you. Manipulating you. I am about to be a new kind of man, one I do not know what will look like, but It will be different. I will be a better man. I will create the security in myself to allow you to be nurtured. I will have the courage, the character combined with integrity and the compassion to receive it, to allow you to assist me in seeing it. I will not judge the women for their reversing, (reversed chauvinism) they have an inherent capacity to see their emotional, physical impact, they will not hold this very long. I will trust you. I am open. I take a different turn, I change. Let me surf you, Let's lift. Bring it.

X marks the spot

2010-12-20T13:37:00.000-08:00

I am so tired.
It seems I have to run a deeper thread into a place I have been back to again and again. Threads of pain will no longer be a large enough conduit to deal with this. When I am finished I suppose it will end, I am choosing to be finished now. Lets see how deep and wide this choice will cover. I will meditate on nothing more than my choice today, to generate all the energy i might need to pass the point of no return. I do not want to just bleed off some pain, I want it healed, I cannot be who I feel is possible with this. I am grieving so much, I am not sure I can do it, I also know I can, this is the point I have to own both parts of this paradox, I cannot/do not want to live in this lacking reality, It is time to supersede. I am here to succeed. My way is yet again totally lost. I am in a darkness where there is no way out with the person I currently identify with. With the person I have been. I do not know my true self, but i can sense it's nature, I can feel it softly calling me through all the interference inside. It is not as hard to hear as it once was.

I am so sorry that so many have been waiting to see, to love, my best self, and I have denied it from so many, even me of course and for that I am truly sorry. The damage i received was a lot for me, not too much, but a lot I guess. It has been a battle, I must do everything I can now to have a victory, not even a victory, I have had many of those, but i guess I seek a victory that is actually a triumph, a victory of character, that is what is needed now.

To find the self I have lost, to bring something home, that I cannot seem to remember, but know it is there. It is time to go into solitude. I cannot find myself with anyone else now. Even this self. But this self has the clues, to dig again. I will use this solstice/equinox energy to begin today, in harmony.

I apologize to all those I have loved and done their best to love me. It is/was I'm sure difficult watching me struggle with myself. Please know Your Love has not been without impact, without it I would not have come this far. I will make it easier for all of us.
I am sorry for all the struggle, I love you, you know who you are, and I know who you are. I will change now, as I write this, I choose to put it in words as my acknowledgment of my choice, and as one of the places to make this choice more significant.
I would ask you to send me some love. I can use it, I am asking right up front for it.

Choice

2010-12-08T01:43:00.000-08:00

Choice is seminole to all growth and to all change.
This statement holds so many truths it is hard to fathom the magnitude of it in it's simplicity.
Physical reality IS about learning how to choose, all of it.
You come in to this life vulnerable and completely deserving, you go after all of your desires, and expect them to be filled. As you learn you have power,(about 18 mos- 2 yrs, when your soul separates you emotionally from mother) your first ability and experience is usually in/with the word "no". You say no to everything, watching the world change around you in an instant with a single choice. Powerfully fascinating! As you develop you learn to give way to your choices for many different reasons, Basically Authority Figures diminish your capacities, with shame,("not deserving"), many of their own "No's", many of these"no's" appropriate some of them (their own past projections about their not deserving) not so, in teaching you the ways of "their" world.

I have been reading articles, even watching "Ted Talks" about how choice is not always easy to deal with, even going as far to say there are just too many, they create "too much anxiety". I couldn't disagree with any of this more. It is amazing how far we can go in denying the power, our given right, to choose. Something Inherent to Americans, in my opinion the fundamental basis of our true strength, core power, and our attraction.

It is the masculine in us that chooses, based on our feminine feelings. Choice does not come without feelings, and feelings do not come without choice. The masculine and feminine in balance and harmony. A little like, "what comes first the chicken or the egg?" This has nothing to do with gender, everything to do with Soul and Spirit working together in a spiraling transcendence of growth. As all things growing do. Feelings inspire thinking, that in turn create new feelings, create new inspiration, and it goes around. Growth is halted, or stunted in one of these things being out of sync or balance. In the current world it is mostly our feelings that are lacking. This with the elevation of the masculine,(chauvinism) and the concept of, " I think. therefore I am" Placing a hierarchy where the feminine is second. She (I personify the feminine and masculine aspects for easier explaining here) would not argue with this concept or resist, because she knows you will come back around to the truth when you are ready.

The feminine is the basis for creation, the masculine,(spirit) is air, temporal and non-temporal, it comes out and is created in a moment of expansion, (movement) the feminine (space) is always first, silently always there, invisible and everywhere, all possibility and the realm of possibility reside in the space around and between. All aspects and reflections of soul. Soul so denied in this modern world, many don't even know what it is, just a vague idea about it. Even religions don't speak much about it, I think because there is so much emphasis on the masculine, they cannot talk much about it, it would dilute their ideas, (their forced institutions)

So choice is something we cannot live without, but you can survive by giving it away. We do that constantly here in America, the power of our choices have been slowly usurped. Ideas of welfare, social security, too much fear, lacking personal authority, fear of Chaos, fear of the Unknown, now the power of choice too diminished to produce change easily. Also the two primary avenues of choice being given away (unconsciously of course, the best way to in essence take it),are Church and State. They have (very early in you) created patterns where a person gives it away without actually knowing, Church taking most people's spiritual responsibilities, Government taking your physical responsibilities. Without those two, you are crippled and not even aware of it.

Roll forward to a person who is aware of this. A person who "recognizes" The first step in any change.
When you start learning to choose, you start realizing your choice has been "given" (by you) to different aspects of yourself. your Child, your Adolescent, your Fears, your Neg-Ego ( which is the culprit in most arguments and competition/comparisons), and the Critical Parent, just to name a few of the basic ones that seem out of control in our modern world. Now you have to learn "who" is taking charge, and for "what" reasons? They often will have oppositional structures built on their (your) past. Things you as the adult would think are crazy. (Fear of the dark for instance) You often don't hear this anymore in your head, but you are left with the feelings. These aspects resist change, they fear the Unknown, Chaos, they are scared, so you can get confused. Confusion is a great place to be, it tells you, there is a opportunity for growth and/or healing, (when it is used appropriately without Neg-Ego judging it is bad to be confused). So we often will not choose in these instances. The feelings of fear and confusion you are getting when you don't know where they are coming from are from other aspects not aligned with your current Self or the current choice. These aspects have been in the background running for so long, you do not hear them anymore, you only feel the feelings they generate. Since feelings are of soul and eternal, they will not go away until you can choose to heal them, that is why they are there in the first place. You cannot move without "all of yourself"

All of yourselves are real and are still feeling. Why do you think you can cry when you have thoughts about your past? It is real. Heal yourself, heal the planet. Choose your destiny, choose your dreams. See who internally resists these choices. Heal those aspects, strengthen your choice and Esteem. Power is in choice, find yours, you have it, it is just jumbled up in your past, and in learned patterns that are not serving you. It is work, but what is the alternative? You are living the alternative..

When you make everything safe, you eliminate freedom

2010-12-03T04:12:00.000-08:00

When you are told, "for your safety and security we will take responsibility your safety and security", the price you pay is your freedom, little pieces everyday, for your safety we will tap your phones, we will invade your privacy, we will lock up bad people, so you can sleep at night. All these encroachments are what we see as normal now, what do you think our founding father's would think of this?

When society (groups or religions, my huge pet peeve) becomes institutionalized, by that, it means, its goal is to sustain itself more rather than to serve the people who belong to it. In it's attempt to squelch and eliminate all chaos, the price you (they) pay is to eliminate change. You close the door to chaos, you close the door to change. It makes it impossible to grow, to actually serve the people it was designed to lead/organize. The institution itself becomes a prison for those who are part or follow it.

Chaos, is not bad, we have been conditioned to see it this way.
Without it nothing can come from possibility, no change can occur.
Chaos comes before change, during change, and after change.
Do you think this nation is changing?

Fear is not bad, we have also been conditioned to see it that way.
In Shamanism, it is considered the "Great Teacher".
Follow your fears and you will always find the lost pieces of Self. It is the direction to point your compass, it is not to turn away or run from.
Fight/Flight is a reaction, not a choice. An awake person knows the opportunity fear is calling you to. What would the monster under your bed be/look like today, if you didn't go through that fear?
Other than sex, going through your fears is the fastest path to enlightenment.

These particular mind-sets, Fear of Unknown possible future(s), fear of chaos, (All part of change), stops our growth.

I love this country, I want to see that which makes us great, stays in tact. We can do what it takes, just stop allowing our freedoms to be slowly drained from us. Be the powerful, free from fear, responding nation we have learned (and are destined) to be.

The Law of Resonance

2010-11-23T10:42:00.000-08:00

I was asked by someone to re-open a conversation about resonance, ("vibration") So I decided to write it here. I think this is invaluable information for anyone who is on an accelerated path.

The Law of Resonance states;

If/When two vibrations of different frequencies meet they will do one of three things

1- One vibration will lift to the other's frequency
2- One vibration will lower to the other's frequency
3- Each will come to some harmony (to harmonize) in between the two frequencies

What does this have to do with healing?
In the hands of a conscious being? (not even an adept conscious being, just "aware" enough)

everything

One of the issues people seem to have with L & R (logical and reasoning) thinking when it pertains to healing is, in order for something to be "fixed" you must fix it all. This is totally not true. You actually don't have to "fix" anything. All one has to do is create an environment for healing and the person will heal elegantly on their own. A higher resonance field will lift whatever is lower than it. By the laws of resonance, every healer practices this, every modality in it's own way heals with this. The other aspect a GREAT healer deals with, and has mastered is the logic and reason of time. When you can in essence put down time, and break it's binds on your mind, you can compress weeks of healing into a moment. Because Time is also an Illusion.

Some examples of resonance at play;

When a person is angry and you can keep yourself calm, their intensity will calm faster than when you contribute to it. It is difficult to keep that intensity alone, they have to also fight against your resonance, being they are unconscious at the moment, they will come down, (provided you are honestly calm) unless of course you are being condescending, then you will lift them.

When a person is hurting or sad, and you can stay cheerful and filled with hope for them, you will "lift their spirits"

In the arena of resonance healing, Red Roses are the highest natural plant healing vibration we have on the planet.

Music is a very easy to experiment with resonance/vibrations, hit two keys, two strings any two notes, listen to them harmonize.
A Chord is a three note harmonization. A chord is a synergy, that is greater than the sum of it's parts.

The paradigm shift we are in the middle of, is moving from a "Cause and Effect" reality into a "Resonance Causation" reality.
In Physics, Cause and Effect (Descartes' physics) as a way the universe is explained was disproven about 100 years ago now. The problem is, most people do not have the Will/imagination to imagine it any different. The old idea of Cartesian physics is easy to imagine, so we still put our beliefs in it. Even though it is not correct. This shows how powerful our beliefs really are. We can measure the universe anyway we want, even incorrectly. It will comply until the idea itself cannot survive any more expansion, then problems in dis-harmony result, stress and disharmony is nothing more than a belief that is having trouble surviving your own growth. I will write more on theImagination in a future blog. It is a pivotal key in our evolution, especially at this time, when this critically powerful reality tool has been so degraded and disempowered to "just" an imagination. As I Always say,
"imagination is more powerful than Knowledge". A play off of Albert Einstein's comment.

The physical color spectrum vibrates at a specific light frequency, infra-red to ultra-violet, the physical colors we actually see are from red to violet, that's the limitation of what can be seen. Everything you see, hear, touch, taste, and smell are all functions of your limitations. All these colors along with their vibration correspond to energy centers in your body, called Chakras. These tones and corresponding colors also correspond to all body systems, functions, and skeletal structures. You are one big individual tone, of all your experiences, past, present, and future vibrating to your own tone in the universe, your individual signature. Healing will move more and more in this direction, it is the more complex truth. Evolution is about lifting to a greater complexity, as does all examples of atoms, molecules, chemistry, mineral, Plant, animal, human. They all lift to the next Vibration (complexity) Which can also be seen as the next Octave. Doe Rae Mi Fa So LA Ti--- Doe again, the next level, and around it goes into the inaudible. 7 is the number of process, all things begin and end in a process, a wave function, a vibration. Ok, I'm gonna stop right here. Did that help?

A different kind of post

2010-11-22T07:05:00.000-08:00

I think I may write down a few of these more intimate posts about my journey. Maybe these can help too.

I woke up at 11;30, after going to bed at 11. wow. I can hardly believe how much I keep sleeping. I am beginning to think I am in some form of denial or something. I have never felt like hibernating SO much before during a winter. Things here have been really difficult in ways I cannot explain, or can even hear myself touch on the reasons. I do feel a deep uncomfortablity.
Something is bubbling up, I hope sooner than later. It is time for change again, I can feel it, but do not have a grasp on what it is at all. Logically everything here is fine, beautiful and relaxed, nothing to really complain about, but very internally uncomfortable in moments. I believe I came to Italy for a different perspective, I have come in a way, "setting myself up" to go through something big, something I have been avoiding mostly Unconsciously. That is what I can recognize, the internal (avoidance of) fear that comes up when I am resisting a needed change
I can feel I am beginning to have a very large wave of "something" lifting inside, it is making me very uneasy. I am feeling the desire and frankly the need to elevate myself, in a success oriented way, and for some reason feeling terrified to do it, but I really must. My own life is calling me to do it.

I have been hiding for sometime. I see that now. I have learned so much about what makes me happy, satisfied, in-joy, and awake on a daily basis. Without the "trappings" of success I once knew, all the consuming, businesses, cars, designer this and that, houses, etc. Now, not having those trappings is actually hindering my growth. It's not that I haven't thought of this before, it is now creating an emotional pressure I now recognize. It is not the trappings so much anymore, (by trappings I mean actually feeling trapped under the weight of what they consumed of my life and in me daily) I am looking for an expression of who I am in the world now, success should be there from an honest and deeper real place. To choose it, because I want and deserve it. To create it from my "beingness", not SO much from my elevated "doingness". "Being" is many times much more difficult than doing. I find it is it's own centered doing.

Why not live an elevated life? Without of course giving up any of what makes life truly grand. There is so much love in my life, so much peace, joy, so much fulfillment, and freedom, Especially the freedom, the thoughts and feelings of what I have done (courageously done) makes me cry thinking about how free I have become. In some way, my peace is asking me to create more success, but in a new and greater way, not anything like before.

I think I am so afraid somewhere inside to lose all i am experiencing now, or afraid I just can't really create like I did anymore, of course they are fears, not realities. I have to unearth them. I hope you didn't mind this ramble, I see it better now. Maybe you are in a similar place?

I Should have written this prior to my last post...

2010-11-20T12:44:00.001-08:00

After attempting to write my last post I almost quit about three times. When I heard myself doing what I teach against. i have around 20 posts in different written stages because I keep having difficulty keeping them short and some of my topics are a bit "heady". I want to quietly teach, I have a lot of Love and knowledge and want to share them. I have limited myself in my own perfection, and have to change this pattern. I may not write clearly at first, or they may be too long, I will learn and I will continue to share with a greater vulnerability, so I will share them, even if they are not perfect, I hope you will at least feel I care and I have wanted and learned how to give real answers to not so real problems. Please ask me to clarify if you need me too.
Thanks for your time, patience, and your desire to change.
my very best,
Rick

Learning Trust

2010-11-20T12:36:00.000-08:00

Explaining Trust is tricky....

Today, I was talking with another about their inability to be on time. My answer was the reason you are not on time is because you dont trust, mostly yourself. There was also a conversation in our last interaction, which was about, "no one trusted her".

They said," I sometimes start planning being 'on-time' the day before to make sure I will be".

How often is she on time, 10% of the time. She has a whole pattern in the morning before to do everything she can to get out on time, she still can't do it. THAT is what she consistently creates. That whole dramatic, controlling AM episode every time she leaves the house. How many people live this way? The more she can't seem to do it, the more she tries to control, (was up to 27 hours in advance) the more esteem she loses. She gives herself the message she cannot do what she says, she KNOWS it is the truth, she proves it so everyday.

What she is actually having a problem with mostly is trust. (Combined with the idea time is real. another article :-)

She cannot trust she will be able to do it.

So I say, "What time do you need to leave to comfortably be there?"

"One Hour, early, 9"

"if you say to yourself, I will be there on time"

"Then you must leave at 9".

"Well, i do that everyday"

In Actuality, she never LEFT at nine, she nearly always left late, that is what she does.

All you have to do is leave at 9. No matter where you are in "the getting ready" stage, just leave at 9 no matter what.

Today, you can commit to doing that, you don't have to worry for 26 hours, trust in yourself that you will leave then, no matter what.

Of course all the concerns came up about not doing it perfectly, ex; forgetting a book, or her dress attire being appropriate, brushing teeth, blah, blah... all again, "worried" because of, not trusting it will work. First you have to get in, do something different, learn the new pattern, get good at it, you might not do the new pattern perfectly day one, but it will be new, and it will be learning valuable tools to actually become better with a natural,"this IS who I am" elegance. And YOU did make it that way, self-empowered.

The thing here mostly is learning trust. If she can commit to that, let go of the control, Control is a function of not trusting. She will be learning to trust herself right now, in this very moment. Then she will have already began learning to gain trust in herself and start relaxing, learning she can do what she says, (mostly this message is for herself, not for her peers, or "how it looks good to be on time". Being on time can be a function of self-trust (also trusting the world around her) and high character, and Integrity. IF it is done in this way, you will create realities that you are trusted. These qualities instill trust and that also build trust. If you create realities you are not trusted, it is most likely because you are controlling everything to look trustworthy.

People pick up on the lack of integrity AND the covert manipulations. Manipulations aways create pain in others. That pain is not always recognized as such or in ourselves, but it is true, and you can feel it, if you just pay attention. When you don't feel good in an interaction, even when someone is saying all the right things, it is probably the subtle pain you feel in the manipulation going on. Even the manipulator may not know they are not trustworthy. We tend to have a great deal of "agreement in America", that, " the ends, justify the means" as long as things are "done",......"good enough!". It is out of character things are done easily and elegantly. Learning positive choices through character development, rather than control will yield a relaxed, happier, healthy, well rounded person, on paper the two different approaches might look exactly alike.

Betrayal

2010-10-23T10:25:00.000-07:00

I finally figured out why I have betrayed others.
When you are betrayed at a young age, which can look like one or both of your parents left, died or physically abused you, you probably have a really large betrayal in another life you are here to deal with. Betrayal causes you to not have trust fundamentally in your belief system. You act out a betrayal early in order to Learn the long division in a sense on how to be trusted, and to trust. As a Shaman, I do know i have had several lifetimes where I was betrayed and am learning to heal those in this one. As well as the damage those lessons have manifested in this lifetime, to myself and others.
When we come into this life with lessons of betrayal, we will create it very early in life. For me it was my mother, she did not ever feel comfortable with me, we didn't click from day one. I could not feel that fundamental connection that mothering, unconditional love, that she, or the mothering figure communicates to us in physical form. Fathers are about that ability to earn love.
My mother saw me as a spitting image (appropriate definition here) of my father. (41 years later she cringes at the thought of him, he left her with two kids and no job skills, or even a drivers license for that matter) My mother and father also had some history with their parents around betrayal. Her betrayal reinforced deeply by the age of 23. Never healed.
So, she continues to attempt to betray, not understanding her role in it, a victim to other's acts of separation.
Betrayal is basically a deep separation, that has scared us, mostly our Unconscious, our sub-conscious showing us the scar by repeating the patterns of betrayal. Small ones, large ones, catastrophic ones.

In every relationship thus far, I have been betrayed and I have betrayed.

I now finally understand my own dynamic, to stop something that seemed impossible at first, because the reality keeps telling you to not trust, you'll never be loved, and get out before you get hurt.

So I gave myself away, ( it's not loved anyway), don't trust the love coming in, (because I'm not being my real self, if you knew it, you would stop), do all of this at a certain arm's distance. (because I know you will see me through the gaps of my illusion and eventually leave).

The other in the relationship just stays confused to some degree and cannot trust either, although they won't totally know why, because everything looks and sounds good. One betrayer will usually find another. It just works so nicely together reinforcing each other's pain.

Now comes the negative ego. In order to survive a betrayal, you must also need a tremendous will, if you did not have that you would surely die. The pain to get through this is too immense to do it without the will to live and survive. Negative Ego (N.E.) takes your will and uses it against you in an attempt to keep you small, keep you in chains. It is always your enemy. So it convinces you over time, you know how to get something done, you know how to will it with choice. So you do, with a certain amount of ease and grace, you know you are strong, you are, but in certain areas you are not and your N.E. knows it, and knows where you can be had. In issues of trust when you have a betrayal, it will convince you to just "choose to be trusted and trustworthy". It knows you don't have the resources for that kind of trust, at least mine did.

Here is the tricky part: You do not have an internal basis for trust, you have not gained or learned it from the mothering figure, that choice is empty. There is no weight of experience behind it. It is as if you want to lose 30 pounds and you say I want to lose 30 pounds and you don't know what you do to lose it, so it stays. There are no secondary choices in place to make it real. What other choices need to be in place? Perhaps exercise, altered eating, or just different belief structures about what you are eating, all these choices must be based in your current beliefs, your subconscious will adhere to those. Those also can be changed for more ease and elegance, but that is another blog entry.

How many things do you understand in life, where you just choose it and it happens?

By this I mean; in a three dimensional reality,(which we live in) it takes length, width and depth for something to exist. One choice is the basis for a point in space. What choices are around it to make it have substance? It is the other choices that reinforce the first choices existence. One choice cannot live/survive on its own. More choices equals greater depth, greater significance, greater mass, greater meaning. In places where you can make a choice and it sticks, it's because you have a fundamental understanding, an internal map where the other choices are already in alignment with the primary choice, unconsciously.

When you are dealing with something you are not good at, or have no internal structure for and you think, (Like I usually get many things done with a single choice) or your N.E. says, "yea, you can choose that and get'er done" and you just choose, you will not create that reality. You have no Unconscious internal structure for the choice to be more real, so it dwindles and loses it's power. and you create what looks like a breach or a still-born reality, you are not successful, and your esteem takes a hit, and your N.E. wins again. You are diminished. Your positive ego (self-esteem is diminished in a failure of choice) It is not something is "wrong", it is it will take a greater level of responsibility and understanding to make it so.

With Betrayal, you have been wounded, you are arrested internally, you did not gain trust, you did not learn the grounded reliability in Love, how it looks and tastes and feels to trust, to feel you could lean. You learn to be self-absorbed, possibly narcissistic to some degree. Because those can be symptoms of pain, of dis-trust. A compensation for its lack.

If you are a betrayer, you most likely are trying to learn the long-division of this dynamic, you can turn this weakness into an immense strength, because it will be conscious, you will have to understand all its aspects to make it so. It now has a potential to be rock-solid. It is your path to learn it, why else would you be creating/living/responding to it?

So, it will be an individual experience. It will be all the secondary thoughts and feelings, sensations that reinforce your choice to be trustworthy. To hold your line for love. Where are the arenas where you wave off your choice to be stable, is it in your "normal" everyday interactions with the other gender? (or the same), how do you not create security for the other, does the other use control to try to get you to "do" certain things that would communicate security for them? Maybe things you think are OK, are really keeping you away, you must see your own dynamic here, no more examples will make sense, you have to find the places you do not create security and trust in the other, we will all do that differently. This is the very basis of responsibility (respond-ability). Just look for the places you rationalize your behaviors around another, where do you blame them? You can do this, I did it and so can you, heal yourself, be yourself.

America and the New Freedom

2010-10-23T08:49:00.000-07:00

border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5542795684560638450" />

(Sorry the original photo was removed by Yahoo)

To Most of the people in my email list. This photo was taken by my friend Wendy at a rally at the state capitol yesterday. The news will not show it and the Capitol Police and Homeland Security would not let Americans or any of the Veterans that were there do anything about it. My husband and his friends were threatened to be arrested and were told they would be booked under federal charges if they did anything. I am sending this to you so that you in turn can start emailing it to every one on your list. It is totally uncalled for and people need to see it. This is not about politics and rhetoric, it is about a direct threat to our country. Those of you that don't live in Arizona will maybe get a chance to see the other side of what the news is telling you. If this offends you great, than I have truly accomplished what I set out to do.
I understand that sometimes we don't see eye to eye on certain things, but that is the right our forefathers fought for. I am an American before I am anything else. For those of you who choose to dismiss this I am truly sorry that our association must stop here. You can delete me from your facebook or from your email because if you believe that this is okay I believe you are a traitor to this country and everything it stands for. I am not a racist and I am not a Nazi this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with respect to the country that is continually taking you in and turning a blind eye to your agenda.
Homeland Security was designed to identify and defend America from Terrorist acts yet yesterday it let illegal and legal citizens of this country desecrate the Flag. People were spitting on it, stomping on it and burning it with cigarettes. One soldier who had just returned from Iraq tried to grab the flag and was thrown to the ground by the Capitol Police and Homeland Security.
It amazes me how many people will stand against the American People while all the while prospering from our system and our government.

This was my response,

It is disappointing what is going on. The force behind all this in either direction is not the answer, the answer has not shown itself yet. We are stuck in a dark paradox where we have the right, the right to shit, hate and demonstrate our feelings for ourselves. (Adolescent mind sets will begin to physically demonstrate when the are distressed) As well as the right to protect our values and beliefs. Domination ultimately doesn't work. You see it in the medical field in regard to diseases, super viruses are the effects of viruses mutating in order to live, stronger basically because the force of how we try to defeat and destroy them. They are stronger than they were,because of how we deal with them, now getting too strong for the same means of getting rid of them, everything wants to live. We must calmly start doing the right thing, our country lacks a tremendous amount of character. something that made us great in the first place. We Created a new way to be in the world. That was an immense act of character. All the control we started exerting with our power, (somewhere around WW2) we were doing to "make democracy safe for the world", (control is the antithesis to love and creativity, didn't we start this country based on the love of these things?) not bad, we just don't know who we are anymore, it's time to re-evaluate, take back as much of our basic freedoms that we have lost over time, (given the opportunism our own system created, by NOT being responsible with our freedoms and desires for it) Two of our basic gifts as Americans are being free and merciful, (symbol of the eagle), we must not lose anymore of this. It will not/cannot be by force this time. That was an old way of dealing. One person, Timothy Mc Veigh, shut the country down single handedly, we cannot defeat this kind of enemy with force and control. We need a new way, and elegant means of creating a place where these things just do not grow. It will mean coming up with a new design to what is freedom, not freedom without responsibility (what so much of this current stuff is), but a new freedom with a deeper sense and understanding of what freedom really is, the ability to act. More (deeper) responsibility takes all considerations into account and then acts, there are answers to everything, we must uncover the right and true answers to be free, for all ideas and aspects to exist, not a simple task, but it is exactly the one we in our greatness are being called on to do. And we will succeed. Fear choices will deteriorate our belief structure. Fear breeds mediocrity, we are most definitely in fear at this time.
I am on the side of success, and finding the right answers, I do not advocate either side in this, I see it as the two sides of the same coin, neither are on the track for/of success, both will fail, and destroy this country trying to prove who is right. (It is also why our system was based in a three tiered government, checks and balances) We are technically fighting ourselves. This is about choice and freedom, deeper freedom with responsibility, not right and wrong. America cannot afford to express,"the means justifies the ends" mentality any longer. I love this country so much, I see what makes us great and how to keep our greatness, I just don't see anyone doing the right thing yet. I am, that is all I can do, be one voice holding a torch for all I see us to be, and hope others will see it. I hope you can hear my point and love me as a friend. I would never do anything to hurt this country, but I would not chance to die for it again either. i so want to see us great again, inspiring the world with hope and freedom, grace and compassion, mercy and respect for all thinking. I know we have the ability, it was given to us in our own construction,(constitution) will and can we see it a new?

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."— Winston Churchill

With Love and respect,
Rick

America and the New Freedom

2010-10-23T08:39:00.000-07:00

(Sorry the original photo was removed by Yahoo)

To Most of the people in my email list. This photo was taken by my friend Wendy at a rally at the state capitol yesterday. The news will not show it and the Capitol Police and Homeland Security would not let Americans or any of the Veterans that were there do anything about it. My husband and his friends were threatened to be arrested and were told they would be booked under federal charges if they did anything. I am sending this to you so that you in turn can start emailing it to every one on your list. It is totally uncalled for and people need to see it. This is not about politics and rhetoric, it is about a direct threat to our country. Those of you that don't live in Arizona will maybe get a chance to see the other side of what the news is telling you. If this offends you great, than I have truly accomplished what I set out to do.
I understand that sometimes we don't see eye to eye on certain things, but that is the right our forefathers fought for. I am an American before I am anything else. For those of you who choose to dismiss this I am truly sorry that our association must stop here. You can delete me from your facebook or from your email because if you believe that this is okay I believe you are a traitor to this country and everything it stands for. I am not a racist and I am not a Nazi this has nothing to do with race, it has to do with respect to the country that is continually taking you in and turning a blind eye to your agenda.
Homeland Security was designed to identify and defend America from Terrorist acts yet yesterday it let illegal and legal citizens of this country desecrate the Flag. People were spitting on it, stomping on it and burning it with cigarettes. One soldier who had just returned from Iraq tried to grab the flag and was thrown to the ground by the Capitol Police and Homeland Security.
It amazes me how many people will stand against the American People while all the while prospering from our system and our government.

This was my response,

It is disappointing what is going on. The force behind all this in either direction is not the answer, the answer has not shown itself yet. We are stuck in a dark paradox where we have the right, the right to shit, hate and demonstrate our feelings for ourselves. (Adolescent mind sets will begin to physically demonstrate when the are distressed) As well as the right to protect our values and beliefs. Domination ultimately doesn't work. You see it in the medical field in regard to diseases, super viruses are the effects of viruses mutating in order to live, stronger basically because the force of how we try to defeat and destroy them. They are stronger than they were,because of how we deal with them, now getting too strong for the same means of getting rid of them, everything wants to live. We must calmly start doing the right thing, our country lacks a tremendous amount of character. something that made us great in the first place. We Created a new way to be in the world. That was an immense act of character. All the control we started exerting with our power, (somewhere around WW2) we were doing to "make democracy safe for the world", (control is the antithesis to love and creativity, didn't we start this country based on the love of these things?) not bad, we just don't know who we are anymore, it's time to re-evaluate, take back as much of our basic freedoms that we have lost over time, (given the opportunism our own system created, by NOT being responsible with our freedoms and desires for it) Two of our basic gifts as Americans are being free and merciful, (symbol of the eagle), we must not lose anymore of this. It will not/cannot be by force this time. That was an old way of dealing. One person, Timothy Mc Veigh, shut the country down single handedly, we cannot defeat this kind of enemy with force and control. We need a new way, and elegant means of creating a place where these things just do not grow. It will mean coming up with a new design to what is freedom, not freedom without responsibility (what so much of this current stuff is), but a new freedom with a deeper sense and understanding of what freedom really is, the ability to act. More (deeper) responsibility takes all considerations into account and then acts, there are answers to everything, we must uncover the right and true answers to be free, for all ideas and aspects to exist, not a simple task, but it is exactly the one we in our greatness are being called on to do. And we will succeed. Fear choices will deteriorate our belief structure. Fear breeds mediocrity, we are most definitely in fear at this time.
I am on the side of success, and finding the right answers, I do not advocate either side in this, I see it as the two sides of the same coin, neither are on the track for/of success, both will fail, and destroy this country trying to prove who is right. (It is also why our system was based in a three tiered government, checks and balances) We are technically fighting ourselves. This is about choice and freedom, deeper freedom with responsibility, not right and wrong. America cannot afford to express,"the means justifies the ends" mentality any longer. I love this country so much, I see what makes us great and how to keep our greatness, I just don't see anyone doing the right thing yet. I am, that is all I can do, be one voice holding a torch for all I see us to be, and hope others will see it. I hope you can hear my point and love me as a friend. I would never do anything to hurt this country, but I would not chance to die for it again either. i so want to see us great again, inspiring the world with hope and freedom, grace and compassion, mercy and respect for all thinking. I know we have the ability, it was given to us in our own construction,(constitution) will and can we see it a new?

"You can always count on Americans to do the right thing - after they've tried everything else."— Winston Churchill

With Love and respect,
Rick

Loss...

2010-09-06T19:09:00.000-07:00

I wanted to post this letter I wrote to a dear friend, It is something I want to share, she touches me, and I feel her so much when I read this.

Hi Deborah!

It is such a treat to hear from you!
I know your health is deteriorating, I am so sorry aging seems to be so undignified in many respects in our current age of younger is better, who wants to get old mentality. Also, the speed everything is moving can't be easy as one ages.

I want you to know, you have touched me in many inexplicable ways, but I will attempt to share some of what I can. You have showed me what richness and presence age can have on a person. You are one of the most gracious and beautiful people I have ever met, your sense of class and charm has out-shined anyone I currently know. Your attention to detail is something to be admired. You are sweet and caring, beautiful, gracious, warm, and your life has served these things in a way it would show if you did nothing more than sat there and listened. I find this is the grace of age, and you have captured it in spades. You have tasted the best of so much, your passion for the sensual, the depth and the richness of experience permeates all around you and in your life, I see the reflections and echoes all around you. You are so special and such a rare treat to have had the pleasure of spending some time with. You qualify for life's most prestigious gift, Attainment with its achievement, triumph with is lifting of character. You are something Deborah. I want to live a life as you have, I will and i am, but I have not captured it with such a style, filled with intimacy and grace and security, as you have, but I see your map, and I will do my utmost to follow it. It is a map worth following. Part of being such a graceful person, is living beyond your peers, as you would not want them to experience a loss of someone like you, to not create pain in anyone, so you are going last. I also can see you waiting, so you can assist in presence. I will do the same. I do feel I see your best self. It is plain to see.

As you know, I have died, I can share a little something intellectually with you about that. I haven't said this to everyone, but i will say it to you, it feels appropriate.
When you pass, the first thing you feel is freedom,almost like you suddenly got better. But WAY better Like you have your wits and presence in a 17 year old body, but even better. In ways you only will recognize by how good , good can feel, feelings so ecstatic, you will recognize it as painless, or pain-free. Pain-free in ways you will not recognize, pains you know, and most you did not. You will not feel separated, you will actually feel closer, you will see the biggest picture, how everything is perfect as it happened. You will go on for a bit, you will have no concept of time,pain or want. Your ideas of religion and the afterlife will play out for a minute or what seems like it, until your imagination runs out "ideas". Then you start recognizing your true self, how hugely perfect, how immensely powerful and beautiful and loved you are. How this all was an elaborate game, a game you (we) set up for fun and self awareness. It is an amazing experience to have this awareness and be back to live a life fully, that's why I admire you so much, I just see you. That's why I cannot live a life that does not reflect my greatest strengths. Mistakes are things we do, not things we should punish ourselves for. Punishment never really has an positive effects on our character and growth, if anything it inhibits it.

I hope this gives you a little peace and a little comfort, it doesn't have to be so painful, dying is a harder thing to do than most think. It is the ultimate in letting go and receiving the fullness of life, it is the end. Death is the ultimate healer. You are getting close, don't fear it, don't resist and suffer either, it actually is pretty fun when it all starts happening. I would offer myself to you as a guide to be there with you when you pass. I know it's a bit much to say, I know you enough, I think that you wouldn't, and I hope you can forgive me for asking, but I wouldn't feel complete unless I offered it to you, I just care. Having someone there with confidence composure and joy for your passing makes it easier, even if I stand in the corner. You will see a greater magnitude of this discussion as things progress. You will remember this, and you will laugh. I love you, I really do. I will send you comfort and love and as many hugs as I will remember to, even if you don't feel them or are aware of them, they are there. Sorry I didn't get to spend more time with you, but the time spent was spent well to me.
Please keep in touch if you feel like it, I may be a resource to you as a place to speak intimately and openly, completely confidentially.
Lots and Lots of Love,
Rick

Do people know how often they contradict themselves?

2010-01-11T21:42:00.000-08:00

This is a pretty ridiculous statement. People actually spent time and money on this. Don't tolerate Intolerance. Isn't that an intolerance in itself? This other sticker is on many bumpers, which I find ridiculous as well.

None of these religions really can co-exist, even though they actually do. The only way they can exist is as they do, it will never get better based on the beliefs that establish them. Being they are all based (for the most part) in singular authority.

By that I mean, they hold that someone has to be number one, and it is us and our beliefs, because the best ultimately is first,(the big 1, even looks like a dick). Which incidentally the number one really is the second number, with zero being first. The feminine is always first, represented by "0".

The religions have never been measured against each other under the same criteria, Of course it is and always has been impossible to measure apples to apples, with so much incongruity, but people seem to enjoy doing it anyway. This ultimately is a function of chauvinism. How can the jews actually co-exist with anyone when they think they are the chosen race? They are waiting for God to come and decide and prove ultimately, but in "their end", they believe they will be the last one standing. They also use this position to justify many poor behaviors. There is no co-existing in their belief structure really. They are creating a future where they will be redeemed as the chosen ones. Basically waiting for all who aren't jewish to go to hell, gnash your teeth, or some other awful end.

I am not here to pick on the jews either, I am a heretic, all religion with it's "spiritual systems" are not going to hold up in the future, they are supported by lies and half-truths. Half-truths are worse than lies, because it is difficult to discern the real truth, when some of the statements are close to being right, or have "some" truth in them. The christians are no different, the arabs, catholics, baptists, lutherans, protestants, muslims (screaming the loudest in their chauvinism) There isn't a religion on this sticker that has a future of co-existence, they all think they are right in their perspectives. So right they would die for the arrogance to hold up their "better thans".

The future is where all things originate, not the past. They all are based in a paradigm that will and must cease to exist. The sooner that is recognized the more elegantly we can avoid a lot of struggle and pain now and in our future. Singular authority and linear thinking have reached their peak, it is in a state of diminishing returns. Can we just grow up now and have some far more sacred and possibly gracious ideas? After all adulthood has always been a choice.

Nine

2010-01-03T20:43:00.001-08:00

I have always loved the movies, I especially love how my Unconscious communicates to me through them. I have a weekly Sunday evening ritual, I go to the movies, I show up around the times I know a grouping will start, and I just see the next one. This is a RITUAL I have trained myself and my Unconscious for, a most willful habit, as well as leaving it up to the universe to share with me. I do not look at what movies are playing or have any predetermined idea of any kind. When I get there, I look at the times and I go to whatever is playing next. No matter, if I know nothing of the movie, even if I think I have no interest in it. I have occasionally seen some interesting cartoons to say the least! LOL

Tonight I saw NINE. The metaphors were easy and it was simple, not as complex an array such as The Single Man, I will have to see that a couple more times now for sure, too many to deal with in one sitting... Not for the gay element, I'm straight. :-)

It was a story about how every man has to come to the day he will choose manhood, over the addiction of adolescence. How life calls you to move towards having a sense of oneness, togetherness. How torn we can be between the shame of not being in integrity, the powerlessness in that loss of strength when that integrity is breached, and the call of what we once sensed as the raw essence of power within us. How the child part of ourselves, as well as our mother, and our adolescent comes to play when we are maturing. How they need to be fulfilled before we can have a certain level of partnership. To learn how to respond, with our Best Self. Adolescence can be so powerful, for a man, that amazing feeling of invincibility and virility is something that when it wains, or more often than not, the fear of it wains, we can let ourselves be controlled by our own fear of mortality and vulnerability. Fear of a life missing that critical element that feels so much like the essence of being a man. In the Enneagram he is clearly a 7, as am I, (I am also Italian) so there were some particularly poignant moments.

There is also one other element that would pertain to my own metaphor, having to do with the number nine, it is the Archetype of the Hermit. The movie did not reflect any of it's attributes, but since it was the the title, there are some obvious things to consider.
It represents that of the wise way-shower. The hermit is a sage, (like the 5 type) not simply searching for truth and justice but bringing them to others. He stands at a precipice, like the Fool, but knows when to stop. He is not, like the Fool, on a quest or adventure. (like the 7) He seeks to bring light to others. This is one of the positions I place myself in, that of more of a mapmaker, but that is not an archetype. I also see that in order to bring a more clear light, I have more work to do with my child, but that number is in a very significant position, the title. Things are closer than I might sometimes think. I can deal with that, nice! The 7 integrates into the 5.

This week, I will be working a bit deeper and specifically with the connections missing with myself and my mother. Perhaps letting go of this past in particular would serve me greater and more elegantly. I have been over these many times, but I will trust my metaphorical "weekly growth call". I also must take a deeper look at my fear of losing what has always "felt" like the root of being a man, that dominating urge for connection and the movement towards the feminine, combined with the raw energy of conception. What could be more safe and elegant than learning from a movie?

Change

2010-01-02T14:20:00.000-08:00

Today I took another level of responsibility in the world, it was time to separate a group of attitudes and beliefs from myself, ie: The consensus. To be a candle flicker outside, to live and illuminate from a new perspective.

I decided to free write today beginning my first sentence with, "My image of "us" as Human Beings is...". This was not for public or even sharing purposes, it was an exercise in Sub-conscious expression. No holding back, anything. Wow, talk about having some epiphanies about how I really see the world. I was amazed at how I believe we/I operate. Included in my perception was how the news portrays us, parents, religions, governments, authorities, different systems etc. All of that right out of my own psyche. I now have a greater understanding of why the world keeps fitting into an old outdated way of seeing it. Why the cry for change has gone mostly unattended. One at a time we must remove ourselves from being driven by outside influences. As it has wisely been said, Nothing Changes Until YOU Do.

I wanted to really get down to the essence of what I had written, so, I broke that down, condensed it to a paragraph, down to a sentence and down to a word. Energetically I am creating a word that holds the energy of my Image, (all my writing from my sub-conscious, defined) the word that came to me and my writing was, Estranged. Huh...

That sounded and felt really right. So much of this at the root of so many of my attitudes, even at it's core my manipulating God, by ME turning my back to them.

–verb (used with object), -tranged, -trang⋅ing.

1.	to turn away in feeling or affection; make unfriendly or hostile; alienate the affections of

share the sense of causing (someone) to turn away from a previously held state of affection, comradeship, or allegiance. Estrange often implies replacement of love or belonging by apathy or hostility

When push came to shove, I have always turned away from love, chosen independence and self-reliance in lieu of receiving from my Self, others and my Soul. I would rather push something away, than be rejected by it.

This is what I have done, much of my life. Not absolutely, I function very well as most would agree, but to move myself to a new level of how to see and function in the world was a constant battle of will, choosing the new direction again and again. This old mentality constantly returning me to a degree of separation, in my own negative judgmental, internal whining (at God, more manipulating like a child) to WHHHY doesn't it CHAAANGE!?? I could never stay (sustain) truly Intimate. With people, places or things. They scare me, because of how I keep seeing the world. My past has shown me they will eventually let me down or worse yet hurt me. Dropping that shizzle today. NEW DEAL.

The world (in short,lol) looked angry, unsafe, without support, separated, difficult, overexerted, alone, without compassion and wounded.

How many of us might be holding that same structure as we look for change?

My NEW word is Accept.

1. to take or receive (something offered); receive with approval
or favor: to accept a present; to accept a proposal.

2.	to agree or consent to; accede to: to accept a treaty; to accept an apology.

3.	to respond or answer affirmatively to

4.	to undertake the responsibility, duties, honors, etc.,

5.	to receive or admit formally

6.	to accommodate or reconcile oneself to

7.	to regard as true or sound; believe: to accept a claim.

to regard as normal, suitable, or usual.

I Accept my connection to all that is, and the gift of being human. My Life can be an open, loving, connected, joyful expression of my humanness. I can live as an individual, and feel completely supported, in a painless, carefree, caring, vulnerable, and intimate with all parts of my life. It goes on, But you get the idea, sounds better doesn't it? I am doing this, You can too.
It takes a perspective shift AND a re-program to be elegantly long-term.

The Futue IS the Source of all Healing

2009-12-31T09:37:00.000-08:00

It has been a metaphorical decade of spiraling transcendence that had disguised itself in a mask of doubt, uncertainty, and chaos. Looking back, it was a trip down the rapids that now, after I emerge, I realize, I like it just that way. I turn and face the river with excitement, enthusiasm and a spiritedness that brings tears to my eyes, and an exuberant joy to my heart. There is nothing to fear, only to learn, I have proven to myself I can do just that. I face the next set of rapids that are and can be potentially more treacherous than the last, but I know I have the skill to navigate anything required of me. I sincerely thank all of my teachers, I know you will enjoy watching what you have influenced in me. I am a person I had no idea I could be. There is so much love in me moving forward that there is no where for it to go but out. Congratulations to all of you, I look forward...

Letting Go Of The Past

2009-12-30T10:35:00.000-08:00

So another day closer to NYE, another day closer to the reality of a resolution that certainly does and has taken me days (years) to make real. Something I have worked on again and again, chipping away pieces, only to come to a moment of release being the terminal word. Terminally clutching a bar that has had me hanging over a chasm of chaos, seemingly, impossible to deal with.

I have been having the most intense dreams and visions that this choice has been resonating through my conscious and subconscious states. My will driving me towards healing and my will forcing me to be blind to my desires out of the terrifying fear of my own metaphorical death. I have been through death in the physical, which did change me. It has never been nearly as frightening as my fears of the internal dread I must face with real change. Change based in a completely conscious choice to do so. To watch a life, a way of thinking, in fact a life-time quietly pass.

I am breathing, I can and will allow mySelf, the one that loses just when a win can change everything, the appreciation I have for the one that has pulled myself up from my proverbial bootstraps a thousand times to prove and vindicate myself, so many times I am finally bored with the fairytale. The hero, must now die.

To have a chance to live a creative and magical existence, the past must cease to exist, and only I can take it's life, empowerment is like that. There is no future in repetition. History is and can be over, only it must be individually chosen. Courage, Will and Imagination, is what supersedes repetition, at least for me. The past is not what I have lived, my mother will still be my mother of course. It is the function of how I have interpreted those things, the Stories and Myths I have bestowed on life's characters and it's situations. Which ultimately is a pattern of thinking, the past is nothing more than a pattern we reconstruct time and again out of a fear of creating something different. Structures are breaking down.

What things do you seem to keep re-living? What failure? What success? Either one is here to teach, patterns are "integrities" to be recognized. Early acknowledgments are the paths of least resistance to change,with possibilities and potentials left intact. Late recognition/denial is a path of struggle and pain, whatsitgonnabe?

New Beginnings

2009-12-26T09:40:00.000-08:00

I am sitting in an upper east side apartment looking out over a cool snowy landscape, being slowly melted by today's rain, so Awesome! I love to be able to visit a season when I feel the need for it. Living in LA is full time summer for the most part, this is great for the moment. I am here to relax, to take in the winter, in all I can, to contemplate the beginning of the next decade, of a new millennium. I need some time for this. For sure it is the fulcrum of the "building years" not my term, but fitting to me.

As a shaman, it is my work, our path, to set tone and intention, ahead of the consensus. To energetically create the map the rest will follow. There is always a beginning to a wave, most will never see. Being awake offers a participation here. I love knowing, being conscious of this. This is the year of Initiation, this is the year that initiates 2012 and beyond, language makes it difficult to be clear here, there are many other energies at play, the 1900's playing their part, the first octave of the new millennium (12 years) coming to a crescendo. The next wave amplifying as we move into the next tone. The one everyone unconsciously, or consciously incompetent awaits. 2012. It is and will be an epic change. You won't see it on that day, it is a marker, for the real change is in the now.

Funny how chaos brings up all the doom and gloomers, the eccentric story tellers. This will be another negative hit for the false beliefs of christianity, when "He" doesn't show up (bad father). What will the sinners do then? Perhaps to finally let it go and live and forgive and realize the only thing time has done for your future in this system, is to create a fearful and painful end. Since there really is no end, what and when does one come to the realization there is a time to live, without a fear of the end?

Responsibility is not a function of "if" it is a function of "when". 2012 will initiate this new "age", so many have talked about. There is a real beginning here, one that has never been available to the consensus, conscious reality creation. The most elegant thing to focus on this year and the next would be letting go of more of my past. Otherwise I stand the risk of carrying it into a new and for the first time, virgin future. Not an easy task, but an imperative to the freedom of creation.

Back

2009-11-26T23:00:00.001-08:00

I have been in the second most turbulent year of my life, I wish I had the words to share who I have moved into, the search. the discovery, it has been a fuckin "A" serious time, but I have found things in me, I had no idea were even there. It is time I stop diggin through the mud of my past, my myths, my personal distortions. I beleive I have the capacity to move beyond my own limitations, I truly do. I also know I have the capacity to be there for and with the rest of you. To know myself, where I belong, to express my strengths, to put myself in some elegant situation, to exceed and excel. Not the measurements or comparisons to the rest of you, to any of you. I will be an inspiration in my life, because I have always been. I may not know how you need to navigate yourself, but I will encourage you to do so. To encourage, entice, compel,inspire, hold you, to hold you like water, all of you held with no resistance to your whim, but you are lighter. To be like salt. I quietly step deeper into myself, as I take a deeper look in compassion at you. I am here, I am here like never before, I will be more, even as I feel more than I ever have, an exponential leap, it's just how I roll. If I can be of any assistance I commit to you. You are who I am here for, you never have to do anything alone, never again. If you are reading this, it is for you, you. You are the only one right now, you always have been. You matter and I know it. I know you, can you hear me? Can you make all you are reading now in this moment matter? Do you know how to give this weight? I am here for you...check it out and see.

Forgiveness: An Imperative on the Spiritual Path

2009-05-05T10:17:00.000-07:00

It is not the strongest of a species that survive, nor the most intelligent, but the ones most responsive to change.

~Charles Darwin~

We cannot create change without incorporating the art of forgiveness. Real change can only happen when we are truly in a neutral position of power. Forgiveness is that key. It is also the most difficult step for most of us. The four steps to ANY change are, recognition, acknowledgment, forgiveness and change (which is the new choice). Forgiveness enables us to allow ourselves our humanness, and within that, our human grace of compassion to come to the forefront of a balanced and empowered life. True freedom, a truer life, cannot be obtained without this gift of love.

Forgiveness primarily sets the one who is the victim free, first. Since we create our lives by our own freewill, it is logical to forgive ourselves first. Then we have the freedom and capacity to forgive another. Also, we do not have to forgive the what that was done. It is the why that will set us free. In time, the what may be forgiven as well, but that is not as significant in an attempt to move forward. Under all actions, no matter how brutal, insidious or twisted, is an attempt and a desire to love. You may have been sexually molested by your father, but under all his pain, rage, and domination, was a person in as much pain attempting to assuage his suffering and find love. Unfortunately, this is a common attempt to be free of that pain, to live and express something more. This is where you can find the compassion and the reason to forgive. You may NEVER forgive what they did, but you can forgive why they did it, and that can free you.

Without forgiveness, you must live the lie. You must recreate the wrong-doing again and again, making the myth real, forever being at the mercy of a life of blame, at least in the arena in question. Forgiveness can be the switch in the track that propels life down a new and uncharted future. Forgiveness is a power and a force that our world is in desperate need of implementing.

There are some blockages and resistances, some beliefs that can inhibit the use of this strength. These are as follows:

Seeing forgiveness as weak. A form of giving up, or giving in. To admit defeat, or a failure in an attempt to resolve an issue.

A sign of arrogance. Who do we think we are? It's a short cut, you must suffer, pay the price...

You cut out all the pain with this exoneration. Only god can forgive.

Too afraid of pain. What will I have to go through? What kind of pain will I suffer reliving it again? It can rekindle the past (proof it is running you). It's all covered up now, it's over, just forgetaboutit, it will/can produce too much fear, anxiety.

It's a cop out. It's too easy, lacks depth and substance, won't keep us from doing it again, if we just forgive.

Afraid. What in me will die? What might be born out of this? I have come to identify with this myth, this story. Who will I be without it? Too scary, can't go into the unknown. Freedom, dreams scare me, I won't go in, thank you very much.

Fears of responsibility, duties and obligations, perfection. Once I've been forgiven, I have to do it perfectly now, can't make anymore mistakes. I would hate to be here again.

Fear of intimacy, what makes up intimacy? Close, open, caring, trusting, loving, tender, vulnerable. I might have to care, be relied on, we might get closer... You might find out what I am really like. This unforgivable thing is my protector, it keeps me safe, a safe distance from too much closeness, intimacy. Can't expose myself.

When you forgive, you are at risk of caring... deeper, loving more, with a greater intensity.

It will happen, that is the force of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a very specific process, these steps will insure your success. It is similar to the grief process, with some variation.

1) Denial

2) Blame

3) Pity

4) Indignation

5) Consciousness (I created/allowed this)

6) Freedom

7) Integration

When you find yourself not moving through forgiveness, what has usually happened is you have gone through several steps and actually looped up and re-circled. Ex: after indignation, I went back into blame or pity, (my personal fav) and started over. This is a process, which means by going through the steps you actually wind up on the other side. You have by nature of this process, forgiven.

For any change (forgiveness) to occur one does this process, whether conscious of it or not. These simple stages are what is needed, even for the smallest change (forgiveness). When big forgiveness is needed, something of substance is required. This next process will facilitate something more weighty and can make the process more significant, so the change can happen. Something more significant than say your girlfriend calling out the wrong name in bed.

Think. What is it that you want to forgive? Recognize the pattern and state it clearly to yourself. You are defining the boundaries and scope of this change. Acknowledge it is you that created this. Take your responsibility (power). At the root of every thought is an emotion, as well as, at the root of every emotion is a thought. One does not exist without the other.

Feel. What is it that you are forgiving? Feel the damage done. Feel how holding onto this issue you have been abandoning yourself, maybe isolating yourself. How has it damaged trust, created fear, cut you off from love, happiness, success, connection abundance? What does the child in you say? How about your adolescent? What is your negative ego screaming? Within its intensity is a clue. It always lies.

Learn. What have you learned from the first two steps? How amazing is your will? How you can hold a line versus being stubborn? How loving and understanding you can be? How you can turn sorrow into compassion. How about what these emotions can do when they are not expressed: resentment, anger, rage? Look at how powerful you are. What you do DOES matter. You do have impact.

Meditate. This is the actual step of forgiving. The first three steps condensed your awareness, getting you ready for the choice and action. Here is where you go inside, to the more real. The outside world is a reflection of something more real. You are going closer to source, shutting down your outside senses and using your imagination. This step is critical to setting your unconscious and subconscious to a new pattern. When you speak to a person in your mind, you are speaking to his best self, the one who knows the why in what happened. He will forgive you, and you can forgive him. It is safe. You create a safe place for this to happen. Let it be real, and create it the way you want it. Your feelings and experience can be real. It is real. Your mind doesn't know the difference from the outside world to the inside world. Your brain does not see the outside world. It reads impulses from your senses. Learn to give power to yourself. Make it real, and reality will follow. Even though it would feel like you have finished forgiveness, the next three steps expand your awareness again, moving you into a new and bigger sense of self and of your new beingness.

Action. What don't you have to do, feel, or be anymore without these beliefs and patterns? You don't have to dominate, control, manipulate. You don't have to be afraid, jealous, weak, uptight, cynical, defensive. You may not have to fight anymore. You may have a sense of peace you’ve never had. You don't have to be perfect, nor fear duty and obligation. Maybe you can love again, like never before. Maybe because of this process, it catapults you into a place of love you may not have gotten to without learning how to forgive like this. You can be carefree, perhaps for the first time.

Feel. How do you feel now? Feel the new feelings of freedom, dominion, the capacity to love, and be more loving. Feel the expansiveness, the positive feelings of freedom and what they bring. Again, what are the new feelings you can/will have? What are the old feelings you don't have to carry anymore.

Hold. This is the new resonance. Make this your new bar, make this real, give it dimension, space. Let the new idea matter. With these thoughts and feelings comes significance. Feed the new idea and feelings so they will compete with the old ones, so they become strong and real, so they push out the old way of being. Your neural pathways will create new paths of least resistance. The old ones will fade away when you don't use them any more. Choose. Think it, feel it, act it, live it.

Forgiveness is an art, it takes patience and learning and it is slow at first, but when you get it, it will be fast and the power will be real, and change will become elegant.

above image
The Tree of Forgiveness, 1882
Edward Coley Burne-Jones

Character and Integrity

2009-04-04T21:32:00.001-07:00

I have been deeply engrossed in the issues surrounding myself and our world in regard to integrity and Character these last few weeks. It is something that I do believe is paramount right now in my inner and outer world. I define character as such, defining and embodying ones own set of values, principles and ideals. integrity is the amount and consistency that we live these values.

Principles are our chosen lines to live by, the things we will not cross, (as long as we have integrity) ideals are things that we live by and will never fully reach. Some examples of ideals are Honesty, Trust, Love, Intimacy, caring, vulnerability, things that a person will never have too much of. People can have character and little or no integrity. That looks like people who cannot keep their word, the end up not being trustworthy. Their boundaries appear to be weak and lacking in strength. A crook can have integrity but not necessarily a high developed sense of character. He may always steal, and manipulate consistently. These two energies go hand in hand. They are different, but when working together at a high level, communicate a sane and healthy developed person. I do believe a level of character is a direct measurement of one's sanity.
After looking deeply at myself, I have realized my own sets of ideals and principles have been long over-due for a re-evaluation. I have been in many ways living some principles based on myself as a 20 something year old man.

When was the last time you took a look at what really matters to you, and consciously decided to start making choices and decisions based on these new parameters. Doesn't many of our world leaders seem a bit adolescent to you? It appears to me they are stuck in an earlier time of their lives. Are they spiritual adults (much more than a chronological age) and basing their decisions on more than just doing what's right, as long as someone is watching. How about doing the right thing, even when no one is watching. How about taking into consideration as much as one can before making a decision? One based on the right thing for all without compromise? The adolescent inside gets crazy with this kind of responsibility. Black and white thinking cannot manage this type of decision. Our world is asking us to lift to this type of character. To do the right thing, because it IS the right thing.

I have realized that many problems I have been creating in my life are a direct result from a lack of Character and Integrity. If you are Honest and walk your principles, you will have Integrity, if your principles grow and change and are about you becoming more as a human, you will be developing a high level of Character. You will naturally move towards more love and more intimacy, caring, trust, vulnerability, humility, your growth will ask that of you. AND you will be willing and excited to do it. You can live a life with no problems.

When there are "holes" in your character, problems have an opportunity to manifest, because you have left an opening there. You will eventually create a problem, because growth will not allow you to not fill these holes, the reality is giving you an opportunity to fill them by giving you a living example to lead yourself into a deeper truth. You create your reality, Your character basis itself within those parameters. You would never be on the spot (negative situation) in any circumstance, if you find yourself there, you would immediately take responsibility and close that hole. Taking responsibility, and whatever internal measures needed to heal and recognize the lack there. You would not get caught in a lie, because you do not lie. By holding that perspective, you leave no place for that type of problem to occur. Therefore no problems. By your own design. If you could be forthright and honest enough to say what you have done, you will more easily move through a problem. This is where elegance begins, and struggle ends.

Rings

2009-03-12T13:50:00.000-07:00

This is a link to be able to see the jewelry I make. I enjoy building these one-of-a-kind rings, they are power pieces. Made to heal and adjust ones resonance. They come with a write up on what they are for, use your intuition, it will guide you to the one that is right for you. I also do custom orders, enjoy!
http://www.bajatravelmaps.com/rickparis/

Change

2009-03-05T15:32:00.000-08:00

Change seems to be the buzz word of this year so far, so lets look at what makes change happen, and how do we do it with some class and composure. Change is a thing worth getting good at, and I for one, aim to be great. I want to talk a bit about what I think it takes to be great at change.
Some words on change. Change is instant...Growth is constant. Change is not measurable, until after the fact. You can never see your child grow, but you place marks near a door jamb to measure their changes. Change has size not speed. The depth, width, and length of the change is determined by the choices and their involvement in our lives. How long have we loved or not around this choice? How long have we been in pain? How long ago did the process of change begin? How long has this issue been active? (length) Does this choice cover a wide arena of my life? Does it involve my job, relationship, family, health, hobbies, quality of life? Or, just one of these things? or more things? (width) Who began the change, or pain? Was it a Grand Authority, or someone close or not so close to you? What was the source of change/pain? Was it a big change or a little change? (depth) Also important to know, the grieving process is part of all change. Something always dies in change. Something must be destroyed in order to create something new. No two things can occupy the same space in a physical reality.

First, to change anything requires we understand we must be able to recognize the need for it. So recognition is the first step. Not so hard, but you might be surprised at how inept we can be at this simple aspect. Self realization is no easy task. That's why we must look to our relationships for the hints and clues of change. How many people do any of us know at any given moment, that are struggling in some arena in their life? Most people don't recognize a need for change until they have reached some level of pain and struggle that has superseded where they are capable. Disease is a good example here. The person who said,"Necessity is the mother of invention", certainly had this in mind. For change to be ELEGANT recognition would be the first key. You can feel this step physically in the body, it is the moment of awareness, the "AHH Ha!" moment. That is the physical birth of a new Neural transmitter.

Second step to change is Acknowledgment. In the form of taking the time to see what this previous perspective, thought, or feeling has been serving you and what it has been stopping or keeping you from. What is the story, what is the myth? who have you been being, how did it serve you on both fronts. Did it keep you safe? How did it keep you small? What did it keep you from? What wall did you consistently hit because of it? It is the step in your mind where you are now outside of the issue, outside the neural path, building a new one, not unlike building a frontage road. You are outside the road, next to it, still travelling the same direction, but seeing it, but not actually on it, no way yet to change direction, it is as if you are along side the issue taking in from the outside all the info you can, the more depth you can accumulate the more you will have gathered to make the change easier and more significant.

Third step to change is Forgiveness. This is where most people get stuck. It is also the hardest step because of all the false beliefs we have around forgiveness. Examples can be,"who are WE to forgive, we do not have that right", usually a lack of authority of some kind. Many adept people can recognize a problem, even talk all about all the W's,(the awarenesses around acknowledgement) why, where, what, and who did it. Some key things about forgiveness. Within forgiveness, you must forgive yourself first. You will not truly release the other without releasing yourself first, it clears the path. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself. You forgive to release yourself from the issue first, you are at cause or allowing in your reality, forgiving yourself first is the proper use of responsibility. Otherwise, the issue and the person, whether dead or not, will control you. You also must forgive the why, not necessarily the what. Why they did what they did is needed and can be forgiven. If for instance your father raped you, you can forgive why, he was abused, angry, he was hurting, he was... whatever may have been what drove him. The fact that he did what he did, is another issue. Although he was in pain or whatever, he did not have to respond the way he did. Releasing the why, releases you, and him. On the neural pathway system, you have now disengaged the reason for the issue to exist. Now the pain and the pattern are known and a new pathway has been created. The old path has been energetically fractured, you have taken away it's existence, the physical and emotional reasons it was there. Now you easily move into the fourth step.

The fourth step of change is Choice/Change. Now you have a choice, to live the old way with it's reality/pattern, you are aware of it's limitations, it's struggles and pay-offs, or to move into a new way of being/thinking/feeling. Now you have choice, and the ability to change. You have created an Option for yourself. You can still choose the old way, but there is now real choice. Rehab is typically 28 days, your sub-conscious can create a new pattern in 28 days. This can change a pattern in a matter of minutes if you are committed to it with a willed and focused choice. As you choose the new way of being, the old neural pathway will fade away, as it is not being used and you have no use for it. The new pattern will dominate and it will become another unconscious choice, operating elegantly as away of being. The real beauty here is, you now have personally put in your first program yourself as the adult, next time you feel struggle in this arena, you know exactly what you did last time and can more easily and elegantly make your next round of change. As you grow within the new parameters, you will get to the time where you must change the boundaries again, a new dance floor, and you will know what to do.

Birthdays

2009-03-05T08:48:00.000-08:00

Today is the birthday of the most significant person in my life right now. I can't help but feel a loss in myself not spending it with her. I am in some pain, the separation and longing to be with her. It is not a pain that is upsetting so much as a sweet, soulful, softly smiling sort of pain, missing her face, her smile, her presence. To feel her, to feel the resonance of her, to see everything in her, as the world reflects her on a day that most closely holds her choices, desires for herself, and her resonance. Also paying attention to her lifetime archetype numbers 17,and 8 her birth numbers, (Star and Strength *). Today is different, it is a day in the future of her birth, and these new archetypes will influence her this year, the new energies are 19,10,1 (Sun, Wheel of Fortune, Magician)*. Which happen to be my birth numbers. a rare configuration to be born with, they are the manifestors numbers. It's like she will be seeing the world with my energies this year, it is exciting to me to be able to witness her, in her next year.
I also am feeling so much not spending it with her. So much difference, staying focused on someone, when they are not in your physical world. This is her day, the day she came here into this existence, something about her energy that has filled my life with so much grace. This is not the exact day and moment, not exactly of course, but it is a metaphorical representation of THAT day combined with the influences of THIS day. I am and will be aware of every moment today, sending her my feelings of caring, love and support. Looking to the actual time she was born, waiting for that moment today to see what happens, what might occur... What is significant in that minute for her, for me? What was in that time and day she decided, THIS is it? Noticing the weather, the elemental energies of the day. The "feelings" of how this (her) time feels, knowing these energies were her choice to be here.
The vegatation at this time of year is amazing, so incredibly beautiful, I see her beauty and her attention to detail in color and light. The utter expression of the feminine The landscape truly refects the artistry of nature. So much a part of her. I see so much woman in her, the feminine truly exhalted. I also clearly see her masculine, spirited, effervescent, so ready to change and become more.
I have driven from LA-SF many times and I have never seen such beauty as I do at this time. The Almond trees are blooming, so are the plum and pear, hues of pinks and so many whites, the rolling bright green hills so filled with love and life, they look so peacefully happy, these hills are in joy and peace simultaneously, that is when my soul tends to sing, just as it does when we are quietly together, I see and feel her here. Everything filled, so prolific, full of light and life the richness the fullness, the pregnancy of this time, so in alignment with her ability to create with beauty and harmony. Such an abundant quality, the environment is wet, full of emotions, beginning to wake up. So many plants and trees stirring, it feels like a very soulful time to begin one's process, one's life. Even the light is not too direct, condusive to a soft and subtle enthusiasm, reminds me of our morning walks togther. Always nice and peaceful, and excited to see what the day will bring. I think there is nothing more profound and reflective than to be very present on a person's birthday. I especially love to do this. It feels like a deeply loving thing while I am doing it, it feels I am immersed in them in the physical expression of, in a way that i can feel everything, my imagination and intellect engaged, seeing the sum of all her parts in a very magical and esoteric way. It is my way to pay attention, that is one way I seem to love. Even though I will not be with her I will honor her today, respect and acknowledge her. She is in every thought, in all that I do, I love you, it is my will that you feel a peace and a warmth throughout this day, your day, my special day.

* Strength-8 The theme here is controlled strength, or inner resolve that is directed toward a goal. The Thoth deck shows a naked young woman riding on the back of a seven-headed lion. She is overcome with ecstasy. She holds the reins in her left hand and the Holy Grail in her right hand. In the background are the bloodless images of all of the saints. Along the top are shown ten serpents. This card represents courage and inner strength. The imagery suggests the archetypes of goodness and endurance.

Star-17 The main symbol here is a star. One or more stars is shown over the head of a goddess who is pouring water from two vases into a pool. The goddess is usually shown naked, although the Marseilles deck shows her partially clothed. She is Isis, the goddess of nature, and the waters are the Waters of Life. She is shown returning individual water into a collective pool, thus indicating that nothing in life is ever lost. The theme here is one of hope. The Thoth deck shows the naked Egyptian goddess Nut. Her right hand is held high, and she pours water from a gold cup onto her head. Her left hand is held low, and she pours the immortal liquor of life from a silver cup onto the junction of land and water. Behind her is a celestial globe on which is a seven-pointed Star of Venus. In the left-hand corner is a seven-pointed Star of Babalon. This card represents hope and promise. The imagery suggests Jung's archetype of the star. According to von Franz (Boa, 1992) Jung taught that the star symbolizes that part of the personality that survives death; the spiritual part of the psyche.

Magician- 1 This is the Magician, the divine Messenger, Mercury, Hermes, and Thoth. The Marseilles deck shows a parlor magician going through a magic act of some kind with various `tools of the trade' on a table. This is the popular view of the magician -- one who does sleight of hand, and who employs gimmickery. The Waite and Golden Dawn decks are more sophisticated. They both show a magician in robes, with his four traditional weapons: a sword, a wand, a cup, and a pentacle. The Thoth deck shows him with a naked golden body, smiling, with winged feet standing in front of a large caduceus. In his right hand he hold a style and in his left hand, a papyrus. The card shows a monkey, swords, cup, wand, and pentacle. This card represents the will.
The Wheel of Fortune-10 The main symbol of this card is a wheel. The wheel is a symbol for cycles, and the card represents the law of cyclic manifestation. The original symbols of this card were probably meant to portray the doctrine of reincarnation, as well as other cyclic processes. In the Thoth deck stars line the top of the card through which lightning strikes into a mass of blue and violet plumes. In the center is a wheel with 10 spokes. On the wheel are a sworded sphinx (sulphur), Hermanubis (mercury), and Typhon (salt). The wheel is the Eye of Shiva. This card represents evolution and the imagery suggests the archetypes of fate and destiny.

The Sun-19 The main symbol of this card is the sun which is almost always shown with extending rays, and sometimes with a face to suggest solar intelligence. The Marseilles deck shows a young couple together under a sun. The Waite deck shows a naked child riding a horse under a sun. The Golden Dawn deck shows two naked children holding hands under a sun. The sun, as the generator of light and heat, is the symbol for life and the forces of conscious creativity. The Thoth deck shows a green mound beneath a flaming 12-rayed yellow sun. Two winged children dance together on the mound, but a wall prevents them from the summit. At the feet of each child is a rose and cross. Around the card are the signs of the Zodiac. The imagery of this card suggests the archetypes of growth, success, and abundance as well as Jung's archetype of the sun.

Imagination is More Powerful than Knowledge

2009-03-03T11:33:00.000-08:00

This is my favorite quote of all time, (actually an updated derivative, mine,"-), he actually said, "Imagination is more important than Knowledge") from one of my personal heroes Albert Einstein. Who actually had an 8th grade education. His Degrees, were honorary ones. This quote is becoming more and more poignant as the days click by. Our current education system is driving us into deeper and deeper levels of pain and struggle, over-extension of a thinking system,(primarily logic and reason) and over-taxing the minds and capacities of our developing children, and young adults. We are so out of balance right now with so much emphasis on our left brains, it is almost to the point of being absolutely blindly ridiculous. The current level of thinking we are using does not have the capacity to solve the problems that it has created. We do not have the experience or the technologies available to solve our current round of global and economic situations. The avenue of solution will come from our imagination, our right brain. With all this over-activity of memorizing data and linear thinking we are filling ourselves and our time with a frantic race against more and more exponential growth and competition and comparison. Our country has one of the most elegant means of information delivery available to the masses (internet) and the freedom to experience vast amounts of what is possibly available. An absolutely wonderful tool to let go of information accumulation. How much information gathering could we let go of? If we spent more of our time being creative and exercising that wonderful right free thinking brain of ours, what could be possible in the way of creative innovative ways of solving our current problems? Versus worrying about the intellectual savvy of our perceived academically advancing competitive countries? The right brain has the capacity to move from a-z without the letters in between, that is the type of thinking we need to be proficient at. There is more capacity and possibility in that, and we will definitely have healthier, happier adults with a much more balanced perspective on the world around us.
It is time for us to lead, to lead by example, to expressly deny living lives that do not reflect our Greater Selves, the time of the lesser self must end, it is a choice away.

Breaking the System....down

2009-03-03T11:21:00.000-08:00

Last night I attended a high school award ceremony. It was attended by a very affluent LA crowd. It was at the Disney hall of all places. That alone will tell you much about the crowd I was sharing last evening with. I have just recognized where a large portion of my future is heading....It is time to do my best in explaining our over reliance on systems as our primary source of creating a future for ourselves.
Here is my most recent example. The amount of time and money invested to insure these children's future success would baffle most people. Being in the best possible schools from day one, getting trained on "how" the SAT test is taken to maximize ones score, Tutors used even when the SAT is close to perfect, pulling strings to get only the most advantageous extra curricular studies, Being a great athlete, being in class politics. Spending most of the summer attempting to work harder than the rest, at least that's the idea. Although they are all
doing it, so the field remains relatively even. So they search for some advantage to get over the rest. Parents being involved every step of the way, controlling every aspect possible to insure their child's success. The keynote speaker at the ceremony mentioned the competition in China they will have to consider while in college, also eluding to the idea of promoting nepotism within their ranks. You now must attempt to carry a 5.0 GPA, it used to be a 4.0. This is the map their parents followed, but their vision is skewed. It is filled with fear, perfection, personal issues of being good enough, adolescent mind sets, Shame, utterly filled with competition and comparison. The world was a slightly different place last generation, millionaires were not as prominent as they are now. The level of competition that exists within our country and globally is at maximum capacity, how much more can they be pushed? The kids and our environment are showing signs of breaking down They are conceding to the path their parents created through the parental fears and lack of parental responsibility.
The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) reports that every day, 2,500 youth, ages 12 to 17, abuse a prescription pain reliever for the very first time. Metaphorically it's all there. We are failing these kids, making adulthood look like something not worth doing. Adolescent life is definitely a combination of pain and anxiety, this is true, it can be the roughest part of many people's lives. On top of an already volatile experience, we have created (or allowed) an environment for a tremendous lack of responsibility and one of deep personal emotional denial. Control is at an all-time high. The path we are cutting for them is nothing more than control gone mad. We are at risk of shutting down the next generation, what can they do to academically surpass this one? Super drugs maybe? Perhaps we can just find a drug that makes you grow up instantly. When will we value the path of a life? A life where someone honors you and your ability to choose and survive in a way that exemplifies your unique capacities?
Fear of chaos and martyr hood run rampant through our society, making strong powerful choices even more impossible. The "no fear" theme is and has denied our greatest teacher, fear itself.
We have built a system that self perpetuates control and domination. These children are getting to the end of what is possible for a human as far as this type of educating can go. We are assisting them in losing what makes growing up great, as a personal process, not as a mechanical assembly line, squeezing what we can out of them, without ever knowing what natural abilities they may possess. Without strong ethics, character, integrity and imagination they will grow to feel like losers, they will not have the tools needed to be fulfilled, free thinking, self aware, citizens of the world. The signs of collapse are all around, will we wait until they break? Can we deal with our fears as adults, so they won't have to deal with our fears 10 or 15 years from now? I believe we have the time, and it is now.
We can do this, I fully believe we can, we must, it is our responsibility NOW, not theirs, they do not have the tools to decide, they are kids and will ultimate, do what we say, or the opposite of what we say, that's the extent of their ability to choose. We are not giving them the example, tools or guidance needed. It is time to life ourselves into adulthood, not by our chronological age, but by our willingness to respond.

Enlightenment

2009-03-02T13:56:00.000-08:00

Here is the number one difficulty with enlightenment. When you wake up, or even think about waking up, you consciously take another step farther away from consonance. The definition of consonance being in harmony. All beings with free will are out of consonance, it is a function of having free will. For a being to have the capacity to create, it must first extricate itself from flow, from harmony. This is a beautiful act of courage and expansion, the creation of spirit, the creation of the masculine. Everything in the universe is in harmony, except for human beings.
Out of that initial separation from source, comes individual expression, free will, action, movement, recognition we are separate individuals. It occurs first in our birth, our first physical experience of this, it happens again several times through out our development. This is also where this inherent drive to be connected comes from in us, the desire to be one, oneness, part of something greater than we are. A deep knowing and desire to be home again. We know what being in flow is like.
One of the primary blockages to waking up, is our own fear of moving away from harmony, standing in chaos, we have already made the first step in that movement just being physical, I believe that was so traumatic and scary, (as well as completely liberating) we resist "any more" separation, like another step might be more painful. When we are asleep, or not aware of ourselves and our patterns, we live in the past, we live in the umbrage of personality drives, subconscious patterns, and astrological aspects. The absolute truth of it is, we are here to wake up to who we are, who we have come here to be and become. It is not a question of IF we are and will be completely individually responsible, it is a question of When. It was never meant to be this painful.
Pain and struggle stem from resisting growth. As the boundaries we have unconsciously (or consciously) given ourselves cave to the pressures of our own expansion we have an ever increasing responsibility to change those boundaries. With choice we can direct the flow of growth, without choice the chips will fall where they may, with a greater possibility of increased pain. Without change and responding, we create pain and loss of freedom. We are in a crisis of freedom right now. You can feel life and the ways we have been living are choking us, individually and collectively. We are in the narrows, the liminal, this is the first time humanity has had the capacity to direct and choose our next space. Will we consciously choose a life based in love and freedom, or one of pain and struggle, there is still time to get on the right track, 2012 is still far enough away to learn how to do that... Know you are at choice to be where you are, even if you think you would never have chosen this, it only calls to your state of unconsciousness. Use that awareness of being unconscious of your choice, to be more conscious.

Hope

2009-02-27T17:28:00.000-08:00

With all this talk of Hope, i would like to say a couple of things about hope. Hope is a very specific synergy between two distinct and powerful energies. Hope is not passive, it is a very focused and a very willed choice. It has been diminished in our society as a last ditch effort. Most people when they say the word, you can 'hear" they are not doing it, you can feel they are in a moment of desperation versus a powerful willed choice. Hope is a synergy between Expectation and Anticipation. These words are not synonyms of each other, although many might argue they are the same.
Expectation is the ability to focus on the future, "EX" meaning outside, "spect" to see. To see, to visualize your outcome. This takes patience.
Patience in the adolescent mind is waiting. Patience is not waiting, it is focused intention on what you want, until it happens. Cats are patient. Anyone who has a cat, knows what I mean. If you ever watch a cat hunt prey, it is focused, nothing else matters, it is focused intently on what it wants, in the moment, until it sees the moment and then moves.
Anticipation is knowing it will happen, realization in advance, it is in the present moment focused with intention and expectation, seeing it, knowing it will happen simultaneously. It is the behavior and action before the event, the actual participation involved before.
When you hope, know how and what you are doing. It is not a pleading for assistance, it is not self-pity, it is not begging to be delivered. It is active presence, creating a future with will and imagination, coupled with desire. Can you feel the difference in the energy? Between a person pleading to something for help, and a person with a knowing how to create, creating a visionary opening, a future of possibility, actually having fun allowing.

Dogs

2009-02-22T23:37:00.000-08:00

I love dogs. I have been watching people a lot lately with their dogs, really missing mine. They weren't really mine, but my significant other had two which I loved like my own, which actually made no difference to any of us. I love to love. That is what I have learned about dogs, they are relatively easy to love. Not like humans for some strange reason. Humans are definitely scarier, and more difficult to love, at least they appear to be. Dogs also love so easily, unless they have been overly beaten, even they can have some trouble with that. Just their enthusiasm alone will allow me to lend my face as a human lolly pop. My dog can get in such a frenzy over licking my face, he shakes. I can overlook any smell or stickiness or my own sense of disgust, just to not hinder them, I love to allow them their freedom to love. i miss them. Makes me want to go out and get one right away.
My significant other is living in Baja, the dogs having a wonderful dog life there, they are in dog heaven. No leashes, lots of things to smell, there are no fences in Mexico. Dogs have to learn social etiquette in Mexico.
I have noticed that people really do want to love, it especially shows in dog lovers. For some crazy reason, we feel more comfortable taking care and being intimate with an animal than each other. I have a good friend who just got his first dog. He is meticulous, anal, and super judgmental of women's physical attributes, no one is good enough. he has wanted a relationship so badly, he has finally found one, a dog, vs not expressing love any longer. His dog is a shelter rescue with bad skin, infected eyes, diarrhea, worms, and he looks at that dog like it was his life partner, he is in love with this dog. The dog is on the furniture, the front seat in the car, eats from his plate,he even opens the door, picks up the dog and places her in the car. He constantly readjusts her bandanna, sits on the ground to talk to her in his 200 dollar jeans. He has overlooked any and all of his idiosyncrasies at the drop of a hat mind you, just to feel love. He is so
capable of loving and dropping
his negative judgments
If your girlfriend wasn't feeling good, would you take her immediately to the Dr, no cost too great, paid happily in cash? Would we be OK if she ripped up your favorite irreplaceable shoes? Buying only the best possible food for her? How about ruining the flowers, or the new tree just planted out back? How about breaking the controllers to the X-Box?
No matter how busy or perturbed we are we seem to have a moment for a nice greeting when we come home for the dog, but for each other? Dogs are rarely perfect, but we drop most any grievance we have with them in a matter of minutes. Regardless of how much money said incident costs us. They can even pee on most anything we own without major incident. They mess the floors, they chew anything they are able, they pee, defecate, sit in our favorite spot, they have no respect for hours or noise. If they run away we love them like crazy the minute we see them. we put up fliers two hours after we think they are missing. They never pay. They never ask for anything, except maybe to go outside. They can fart in bed and we think it's funny. We can fart and they don't notice.
All I'm saying is, we could learn a lot about loving each other just by the way we treat our dogs, it's not like we don't know how to do it, we do know how to love, do we have the courage to do that with each other, a neighbor, a stranger? i don't know about you, but I will risk it and live like that.

Corazon

2009-02-22T23:16:00.000-08:00

Daylight beckons a heart where only the mind has it's allure.
i stand circumspect, guardian of the tsunami
Fortresses are meant to be forced
so much resistance, to hold our Selves back
To find ourselves through the dissonance
Built in pain, never relinquished in time
Without walls time dances by
Perhaps they can crumble with time
Cuba's crumbling walls invalidate my breath
Weak in cloak, strong in measure
Spirit dances, searching for a feminine vestibule
I deliberately empower each stone for protection
My duty and my will is to Ardent Love
where is the prize that has eluded us all?
Perhaps buried in the ocean, motionless in changeless thought
Breath cannot survive the depth of where the dual fish may go
depth seems to allude one who chooses to fly
Freedom at any cost?
It is a choice, many do not have the courage to will
Freedom is what i offer her
she dances by on the breeze content with herself
I seem to find joy in that.

La Vida

2009-02-09T15:49:00.000-08:00

If two people can trust each other and move and grow together as the best reflection for/of one another you can be, utilizing aspects of intimacy,(Closeness, Openness, Honesty, Trust, Loving, Caring, Privacy) just striving for that, you are able to let go of a current resistance or pattern. Love and intimacy, based on trust can allow that. If you are saying "X" to me, and I TOTALLY have an impulse to disagree, but, I also can be awake enough to truly trust and believe you are here for me, care for me, and are speaking for my greatest good, I can drop the projection, stop the current round of separation, out of my love and intimacy and trust in you. In that space I can see what to work on, based only on your word, given the significance of who you represent to me. Rather than argue point. I fully realize this. If I can't utterly trust the one I've chosen to be close to out of the 6 billion.... I have learned about and lost more of "myself" while I have been in my last relationship than at any other time in my life. I am a different person than I would have ever imagined I would be, out of love. It is time again to gather all my pieces, all my changes, all what I have learned and leap again. There is no reason to hold back, living my life in the now, focused on a future, loving fully in the moment.
I see how great love can be, I see how amazing it works when it is done fully "out" of projection, I even see how amazing it can be processing as the individual, the growth lesson love can be. The significant changes one can respond to, as you keep love open ad moving. There is nothing more confronting than love. Now I choose to be a team, this can really work, to truly free two people to be artisans of life, to live life daily, deeply entrenched in love and artistry, internally connected, sharing our external experiences to gain more knowledge to move and change. Not to be in LA-La land either, to work and create and future think, to be physical, and all the things needed to succeed physically. It gives a base of connection, a feedback system that only gets clearer as time and trust grow. I am learning, so I can do what I love, breaking rules. Of course this isn't black and white. Freedom is truly at hand.

More is MORE, less is just LESS

2009-02-07T10:13:00.000-08:00

People, why don't we just call a spade a spade and stop trying to be all enlightened with these concepts that are so not enlightened. Enlightenment is so many things, one thing it is NOT is living in mediocrity and calling it cool and sophisticated. Living with less is just less. It reeks of the past. Where did we get these concepts that less is more? Where did that come from? We have the capacity to have like never before, why are we negatively judging that?
It is beautiful that this is all possible. Maybe the idea came from looking at people who have SOOO much and aren't happy? (another negative judgment) Looking at the universe like resources are limited? (another one) We seem to be spending our resources at the rate of gasoline in a 1960's muscle car. The FEAR of them running out is the problem.
Hey, I'm all for conservation and doing things cleaner, but not out of a fear choice. Out of a choice to do the right thing for the right reasons. Cleaner feels better, it smells better, it looks better, at least to me. Those are reasons to change, my individual reasons. These reasons create more character, fear choices do not. Fear choices create mediocrity, bottom line. We are in a world where mediocrity is not an option, really. We as humans are not mediocre or damaged, we are amazing deeply loving beings.
Things have gone too long down a path of unawareness, that's it. The metaphor for practically everything I see is, Structure. Old structures are breaking. money system, water system, electrical system, country borders, the way financial institutions have operated for so long, medicare, social security. More and deeper decisions must be made now, change is at hand, it must be embraced and responded to. Responsibility is power, it is time to lift and be powerful. We are creating our own problems to guide us so that when we find the solutions to these, we will have found our way. They are there/here for our benefit. We are creating pressure because we are not changing elegantly, with character. We are merely using another old way of change, which is Pain and Struggle. Not doing anything until the pressure of change gets almost too great. Physical reality was never meant to be this painful. The challenge and the beauty of these actual problems are, we will be where we need to be as we solve them.
The solution is to have more and still be aware. To not abuse perhaps, even abusing things is OK now and again, as long as we recognize the abuse and change. We do that with the ones we love so often, don't we? Whether it is taking them for granted, or just being our lesser selves around them.
ALL change begins with recognition. Simple times or going back to simpler times is NOT an option. Simplicity breeds difficulty. It is searching in our past, idealizing it and throwing it out in front of us, hoping to make it better than it was. That actual past has lead us right here "X", we cannot vindicate ourselves with it, or even get there from THIS actual point. We must incorporate where we are, embrace all we have, choice deeper where we want to go, and recognize the separation we keep creating. So much of the Oneness, "One world" idea stems from this, creating separation is part of an old paradigm. We are realizing we need to take a much grander viewpoint of our impact. Negative Judgment separates, and causes pain. We cannot Negatively Judge ourselves, that has not worked, ever. Motivating ourselves out of how lowly we are, attempting to manipulate god into taking pity on us. We seem to not take the responsibility nearly enough and to stop doing it, STOP Negatively Judging. Even the fact I am writing to you, and telling you this is a negative judgment, it gets rather complex. Ideally I must change internally and not tell anyone they are wrong, bad or anything that creates separation. Otherwise I contribute to/in the old pattern. One at a time we must remove oursleves and the standing wave will collapse, it is the law of resonance. We are moving into a greater level of complexity, simplicity will create huge problems here. I don't think anyone can even buy a Television without a remote control. this is a complex device that makes our lives simpler, but it is in no way simple. This is where we need to move.... More to come

Super Bowl

2009-02-02T20:23:00.000-08:00

Last night was the most exciting Super Bowl i have ever watched. The game went back and forth in a way that i really imagined he game to go, just like virtual reality! i did not have any real affinity for either team, one way or another. One thing I generally do in any event of competition, which can drive some people bonkers, is to root for whomever is down at the time, whether it is my team or not. What makes a game great to me, is watching someone do what it takes to be in the lead again. I focus my attention to where it is needed to make the game exciting and fun. I do not adhere to "either or realities", Black and White is the type of thinking that has generated the types of issues we are dealing with in the world right now. Oneness will be about incorporating everything in a complex way, simple solutions are a thing of the past. I practice manifesting what I want, as I watch the game, I enjoy that. Plus,it really is a great way to have conversations about the way people perceive competition. It almost always gets some kind of attention when people can't decide whom you are for. You end up really enjoying the game, fully. You are actually rooting for both teams simultaneously. I mean shouldn't we? Couldn't we? To have a GREAT game from both sides. Not with a singular focus of will in an attempt to control, although I do want my team to win.

I wanted the Cardinals to win, mostly because of Kurt Warner's story. He has been living his dream... I love that. He was a baggage clerk at a grocery store not long ago, when someone told him to follow his dream, and he did, becoming an NFL quarterback. He has won two NFL MVP titles and two super bowl appearances. The second one after being drafted a somewhat washed up second-string quarterback. I am all about people living their dreams; I am committed to helping people do that. Competition has been twisted to be a game of domination, not what sports were originally intended to be, one of personal dominion. Domination being, getting inside someone's head attempting to shake them, even cheating (can you believe they cover their mouths when giving plays!) in hopes of causing them to make a mistake, to advance their odds of winning. Winning by a mistake is not winning; it is basically coming in first. That is not a win. Chauvinism has elevated being #1 above all else. Being first no matter what. The "ends justifies the means" mentality. This is a total lack of character.

This is not a victory of triumph or character. A victory of triumph and character is a win (or a loss) where you were lifted to another level by the very competition itself; you superseded yourself because of them and their efforts. In these situations, even if you a loss occurs your self-esteem is lifted as well as your respect for your respect and appreciation for opponent. You want them to do great, you encourage them to do great because of what it will offer you in the process, this is a win, win before you even start. You won by being more than you previously were, maybe ever, based in who they are being in the moment, competition it is truly a dance. The better they are, the better you can be. Competition based in a way that you would have utter respect of/for your competitor. You want him/her in the best possible place. Domination never offers this type of competition. It does not build character or esteem, it is just one over another. Chauvinism has warped competition on these times. Harrison, with his personal foul in the 4rth quarter was the old paradigm in place. How did it feel watching him pushing that guy on his back multiple times on the instant replay? In my opinion he should have been ejected from the stadium. It was really difficult for me to drop my negative judgement and root for the Steelers after that display, but I got over it pretty quickly.

There is a new possibility for the best of competition. This encouraging, enriching, mentality is what can lift our future leaders and athletes to new and lofty goals, positive reinforcement building of character and support from Both sides. Team effort extending well beyond the team. All records will eventually get broken. They are a function of reality creation tools at work. We create a future against the back-drop of a past. Our future creates the present. These tools are, Desire, Expectation and Imagination. These are how we do it. When a young person is watching someone excel, they are desiring doing that thing, they are imagining themselves doing it, they are expecting to do it, after all they did it, I can too! That is why records will be beaten and surpassed. That is one of the graces of being a human being. Growing, changing superceding with and for the fun of it.

I wish Warner could have pulled it off in the end.... "-)